19 weeks

19 weeks. Nearly half way there.

We've never been so not ready in our lives. Well, maybe that's not true. When it comes to stuff, and supplies and such we are totally more ready than we have ever been since we pretty much have it all, but in terms of mentally ready for a new baby, not even entertaining the changes in our lives yet. Not even a glimmer. We haven't really even started to think about names yet. At this point in the other pregnancies we knew the name already.

Call me lazy, I guess. Maybe more even keel? A little less neurotic a little more balanced? I like to think its a good thing we aren't baby crazy yet. After all, we do have a household and loads of kid oriented things to do in the next 20 weeks that take a bit of priority.

But, this baby girl sure does know how to let me know that she's already trying to keep up. She's present, allright, in all the achy pains kinds of ways:)

At first it was excessive morning sickness. Ish. It was awful. And then around 14 or so weeks I thought it was over. But this little sweetpea likes to keep me on my toes, so about once a week she revisits me with a turn around the porcelain throne. Except it rarely happens when I am near a toilet and this kind of puking is not the kind you can hold on to and run for a bathroom. Its happening NOW. There is no stopping it. So shower, boys garbage can, out the side of a car door, whatevs. Just wipe off your mouth and keep on moving. Which is about the truth of it.

And since the majority of the morning sickness has waned I had two or so glorious weeks of nothing significant (sans the puking, but at this point I'll take it if nothing else comes with it!) and then of course, it arrived. The heartburn. Oh the heartburn. Evening time yuck in my throat burn. Doesn't matter what I ate still makes an appearance heart burn. Just for fun to remind me that things are awesome in mommyhood! heartburn!

Right along with that heartburn is a second round of 8th grade acne. Its just lovely. I look like the teenagers down the block who have no idea how to manage their hormones. Put me in that boat too. Every morning I am amazed by what appears on my face. Its awful, and annoying and I just want it to go away.

Don't get me wrong though, not all things are bad! This baby isn't really all aches and pains. She also kicks! I think this pregnancy is the earliest I've ever felt kicking, which is super fun. Everyday I wait for a little reminder that she's doing well in there. And, by the size of my waist it seems she's a healthy baby in there- she's got to be at least double the size of her brothers at this age if my waistline is any indication! I just looked at my 27 week preggo pics from being pregnant with Collin and noticed I'm about the same size! Its ridiculous! Oh, just wearing maternity clothes 10 weeks earlier than my first pregnancy, nothing to see here, move along, folks.

And to top off the fun of 19 weeks there are lots of other things to be thankful for. This week we had the midway anatomy scan where they spend a significant amount of time in the ultrasound looking at all the parts and pieces that make a little human perfect. Her brain, her heart, her stomach, her kidneys, her eyes, her bones and so many other things to see. She's doing so well in there, and the photos continue to amaze us, no matter how many times we see them. The only thing that didn't look exactly perfect was my placenta, which is right on top of my cervix, and hopefully moves over the next 8 or so weeks, and there was a small bright spot on her heart- a freckle of anatomy of sorts. It is more common in kids with down syndrome, but since we already had the Progenity scan and it showed with 99.9% accuracy she doesn't have downs, we aren't worried about it.

 Here's the money shot, confirming she's a girl.

 Her profile, with that button nose.

 These 3d/4d scans sort of freak me out. I don't think they are cute at all, but I figured I probably should share one of them. This one you can see her face sort of and her hand, moving toward her mouth, she's about to such her thumb.

 And here she's trying to get that thumb in her mouth.

Hello baby!

I was so glad to have this appointment because this pregnancy is everything other pregnancies are for me, but its also something more coming after a loss. There is this persistent, constant nagging anxiety that its too good to be true and that something will be wrong, something will cause the same kind of heartbreak. I know that its unlikely and probably irrational, but it can't be prevented. Everyday I get more and more anxious waiting for the first kick. Sometimes she doesn't pay much attention to kicking until later on in the evening, but every day she's there to remind me that her kung fu skills are in tact.

So, even though I'm sure my anxiety won't decrease, I know that as time goes on we'll get more and more excited and more an more hopeful for a healthy, lovely, feisty baby girl.  Here we go toward the next few milestones in pregnancy fun, the glucose test, picking a name, designing the nursery and more and more visits to the midwives.