When 5 feels old....

 Wake up! Its my fifth birthday!

5 year olds are something to observe.
Really, they saddle the ridge between independence and preschooler.
They veil their enthusiasm for this new independence with moments of sincere co-dependence.
Its an interesting transaction of life.

And here we are, arriving at 5 again. No better able to cope with it than the first time. You think we would have learned. But alas, we have not. We are reactive, not proactive in our understanding and appreciation of 5. It sneaks up on us and we aren't quite sure how it got so close without our seeing it coming.

Sigh.


Dear Owen,
You've reached 5 years old. You, dear son, certainly are your own person. Your confidence is strong and resilient. You push me in ways I didn't fathom I would learn to grow, and for that I'm so thankful. You keep me on the edge of my seat, always ready for new things to learn.

Some things about you are character traits that I doubt will ever change. You are passionate and full of emotion. When you are angry, you are so angry. The world cannot be righted at the moment you anger reaches your heart. You are overwhelmed with the raw intensity of anger that you almost cannot be consoled. We work so hard to help you navigate these emotions and you are getting it, but its clear your heart is so big and you feel everything so deeply that its a journey we'll be on for awhile, we know. We'll try to be patient, and you'll teach us that we need to continue to learn to be even more patient.

Five is when you get social wings I think. You've always been a social kiddo, but now you are a leader in social situations. I see friends seek you out to play and I notice how half the kids in your class go out of their way to give you hugs goodbye. You are a good friend. This makes my heart so happy. If we've taught you anything, I hope its how to be kind and befriend others. We want to plant kindness in your heart so you overflow with it. And so, you have a new set of social wings. You fly above the 3 and 4 year olds who make friends at an arm length's from their moms. You take off. You don't need us as part of those relationships anymore.

Your social confidence though, also comes with a confidence in conversation. You, dear sweet Owen are sassy. A sassy that we've never been dealt before. Collin is confident, but almost never disrespectful and so we didn't know quite what to do with this talking back. You don't do it to be malicious, you honestly believe that your opinion is warranted in all adult decision. Sometimes they go like, this for example (today)
Me: Owen, I have warned you not to use potty words at the table and if you keep it up you'll take a nap after lunch.
Owen: Poop! I'll fart on your head Collin (or some variety of potty words continues to flow from his mouth instead of eating lunch)
Me: two more warnings with basically the same content.
Owen: More potty words, less eating. The struggle is real.
Me: Okay, you just earned a nap.
Owen: I'm not taking a nap!
Me: Owen, we don't talk back to adults like that. You are taking a nap. Its your consequence for not eating and using potty words after multiple warnings.
Owen: NO I AM NOT! (Insert angry face, crossed arms, look of sheer disgust).
Me: You are. Adults make the decisions.

Oh, how fun these conversations are! We're working to figure out to help you to know when to be confident and speak up and when its being sassy and you shouldn't respond. Clearly, its a very very grey area for you. You can't quite tell the difference and so some days you manage fine and others you push us to the limit with the sassy conversation.

Your passion is equally matched by your big and generous heart. You love fiercely. Your hugs are full and strong- you link your arms around our necks as though every moment of the hug allows your heart to speak to ours. Your eyes speak volumes about the happiness you carry in your heart and your joy, general and sheer joy with life is contagious. People always comment that you are always smiling, and its true, you are always smiling. Your happiness reminds me that there is so much joy around us. Sometimes we forget to notice it, but not you. You are heart is effervescent.

At 5 you are a reader. You see Collin reading and are anxious to read too. Some of my favorite moments these days are of Collin reading to you and then you reading to us. Currently its mostly Elephant and Piggie books you choose to read. I love watching you blossom.

Academic content is not a struggle for you, its pretty easy actually. Almost an after thoughts. You seem to say with your actions "oh yes, yes, I know that. Now can we get back to playing?"

You are competitive. I wonder if that is because you are a sibling or if its in your individual nature, but you always are watching to see who is doing it better. We work hard to remind you that competitions are not usually necessary (or healthy for that matter) but you persist. There is that resilience again, coming back to show us just has persistent and stubborn you can be.

You are ready to start Kindergarten, which makes me realize just how old you are. Its a little over a half a year away, but feels imminent. It feels dangerously close to the minutes where we stare the transition of school in the eyes and confirm that our work with you to help you grow and learn has all been for that set of moments, headed all too soon toward us.

And so for this birthday we celebrate all of you. We are lucky to have you in our lives, to teach us so much about what happiness looks like as a family of four, soon to be five. You are ready to be a big brother and I can't wait to see you take to that role too.

This year you asked for a party at Pump It Up, an inside bounce house that lets kids jump around for a couple hours to celebrate birthday fun. It was about -5 that day I think, so bitter cold, but you were full of energy and excitement to see your friends. A few hours later, 15 kids all tired out from jumping, pizza and cupcakes and you were basking in the glow of the being the birthday boy. It was the highlight of your week I think, and you tried to soak in every moment of it.

I really have a hard time believing six is up next. Six seems really really old to me. But so did 5 last year, and here we are, feeling as though 5 is too old for your sweet little soul. Even so, I look forward to every adventure we'll have in the next 365 days and I can't wait to see all of the experiences you'll bring into our lives.

All our love
Momma and Daddy