When 5 feels old....

 Wake up! Its my fifth birthday!

5 year olds are something to observe.
Really, they saddle the ridge between independence and preschooler.
They veil their enthusiasm for this new independence with moments of sincere co-dependence.
Its an interesting transaction of life.

And here we are, arriving at 5 again. No better able to cope with it than the first time. You think we would have learned. But alas, we have not. We are reactive, not proactive in our understanding and appreciation of 5. It sneaks up on us and we aren't quite sure how it got so close without our seeing it coming.

Sigh.


Dear Owen,
You've reached 5 years old. You, dear son, certainly are your own person. Your confidence is strong and resilient. You push me in ways I didn't fathom I would learn to grow, and for that I'm so thankful. You keep me on the edge of my seat, always ready for new things to learn.

Some things about you are character traits that I doubt will ever change. You are passionate and full of emotion. When you are angry, you are so angry. The world cannot be righted at the moment you anger reaches your heart. You are overwhelmed with the raw intensity of anger that you almost cannot be consoled. We work so hard to help you navigate these emotions and you are getting it, but its clear your heart is so big and you feel everything so deeply that its a journey we'll be on for awhile, we know. We'll try to be patient, and you'll teach us that we need to continue to learn to be even more patient.

Five is when you get social wings I think. You've always been a social kiddo, but now you are a leader in social situations. I see friends seek you out to play and I notice how half the kids in your class go out of their way to give you hugs goodbye. You are a good friend. This makes my heart so happy. If we've taught you anything, I hope its how to be kind and befriend others. We want to plant kindness in your heart so you overflow with it. And so, you have a new set of social wings. You fly above the 3 and 4 year olds who make friends at an arm length's from their moms. You take off. You don't need us as part of those relationships anymore.

Your social confidence though, also comes with a confidence in conversation. You, dear sweet Owen are sassy. A sassy that we've never been dealt before. Collin is confident, but almost never disrespectful and so we didn't know quite what to do with this talking back. You don't do it to be malicious, you honestly believe that your opinion is warranted in all adult decision. Sometimes they go like, this for example (today)
Me: Owen, I have warned you not to use potty words at the table and if you keep it up you'll take a nap after lunch.
Owen: Poop! I'll fart on your head Collin (or some variety of potty words continues to flow from his mouth instead of eating lunch)
Me: two more warnings with basically the same content.
Owen: More potty words, less eating. The struggle is real.
Me: Okay, you just earned a nap.
Owen: I'm not taking a nap!
Me: Owen, we don't talk back to adults like that. You are taking a nap. Its your consequence for not eating and using potty words after multiple warnings.
Owen: NO I AM NOT! (Insert angry face, crossed arms, look of sheer disgust).
Me: You are. Adults make the decisions.

Oh, how fun these conversations are! We're working to figure out to help you to know when to be confident and speak up and when its being sassy and you shouldn't respond. Clearly, its a very very grey area for you. You can't quite tell the difference and so some days you manage fine and others you push us to the limit with the sassy conversation.

Your passion is equally matched by your big and generous heart. You love fiercely. Your hugs are full and strong- you link your arms around our necks as though every moment of the hug allows your heart to speak to ours. Your eyes speak volumes about the happiness you carry in your heart and your joy, general and sheer joy with life is contagious. People always comment that you are always smiling, and its true, you are always smiling. Your happiness reminds me that there is so much joy around us. Sometimes we forget to notice it, but not you. You are heart is effervescent.

At 5 you are a reader. You see Collin reading and are anxious to read too. Some of my favorite moments these days are of Collin reading to you and then you reading to us. Currently its mostly Elephant and Piggie books you choose to read. I love watching you blossom.

Academic content is not a struggle for you, its pretty easy actually. Almost an after thoughts. You seem to say with your actions "oh yes, yes, I know that. Now can we get back to playing?"

You are competitive. I wonder if that is because you are a sibling or if its in your individual nature, but you always are watching to see who is doing it better. We work hard to remind you that competitions are not usually necessary (or healthy for that matter) but you persist. There is that resilience again, coming back to show us just has persistent and stubborn you can be.

You are ready to start Kindergarten, which makes me realize just how old you are. Its a little over a half a year away, but feels imminent. It feels dangerously close to the minutes where we stare the transition of school in the eyes and confirm that our work with you to help you grow and learn has all been for that set of moments, headed all too soon toward us.

And so for this birthday we celebrate all of you. We are lucky to have you in our lives, to teach us so much about what happiness looks like as a family of four, soon to be five. You are ready to be a big brother and I can't wait to see you take to that role too.

This year you asked for a party at Pump It Up, an inside bounce house that lets kids jump around for a couple hours to celebrate birthday fun. It was about -5 that day I think, so bitter cold, but you were full of energy and excitement to see your friends. A few hours later, 15 kids all tired out from jumping, pizza and cupcakes and you were basking in the glow of the being the birthday boy. It was the highlight of your week I think, and you tried to soak in every moment of it.

I really have a hard time believing six is up next. Six seems really really old to me. But so did 5 last year, and here we are, feeling as though 5 is too old for your sweet little soul. Even so, I look forward to every adventure we'll have in the next 365 days and I can't wait to see all of the experiences you'll bring into our lives.

All our love
Momma and Daddy

19 weeks

19 weeks. Nearly half way there.

We've never been so not ready in our lives. Well, maybe that's not true. When it comes to stuff, and supplies and such we are totally more ready than we have ever been since we pretty much have it all, but in terms of mentally ready for a new baby, not even entertaining the changes in our lives yet. Not even a glimmer. We haven't really even started to think about names yet. At this point in the other pregnancies we knew the name already.

Call me lazy, I guess. Maybe more even keel? A little less neurotic a little more balanced? I like to think its a good thing we aren't baby crazy yet. After all, we do have a household and loads of kid oriented things to do in the next 20 weeks that take a bit of priority.

But, this baby girl sure does know how to let me know that she's already trying to keep up. She's present, allright, in all the achy pains kinds of ways:)

At first it was excessive morning sickness. Ish. It was awful. And then around 14 or so weeks I thought it was over. But this little sweetpea likes to keep me on my toes, so about once a week she revisits me with a turn around the porcelain throne. Except it rarely happens when I am near a toilet and this kind of puking is not the kind you can hold on to and run for a bathroom. Its happening NOW. There is no stopping it. So shower, boys garbage can, out the side of a car door, whatevs. Just wipe off your mouth and keep on moving. Which is about the truth of it.

And since the majority of the morning sickness has waned I had two or so glorious weeks of nothing significant (sans the puking, but at this point I'll take it if nothing else comes with it!) and then of course, it arrived. The heartburn. Oh the heartburn. Evening time yuck in my throat burn. Doesn't matter what I ate still makes an appearance heart burn. Just for fun to remind me that things are awesome in mommyhood! heartburn!

Right along with that heartburn is a second round of 8th grade acne. Its just lovely. I look like the teenagers down the block who have no idea how to manage their hormones. Put me in that boat too. Every morning I am amazed by what appears on my face. Its awful, and annoying and I just want it to go away.

Don't get me wrong though, not all things are bad! This baby isn't really all aches and pains. She also kicks! I think this pregnancy is the earliest I've ever felt kicking, which is super fun. Everyday I wait for a little reminder that she's doing well in there. And, by the size of my waist it seems she's a healthy baby in there- she's got to be at least double the size of her brothers at this age if my waistline is any indication! I just looked at my 27 week preggo pics from being pregnant with Collin and noticed I'm about the same size! Its ridiculous! Oh, just wearing maternity clothes 10 weeks earlier than my first pregnancy, nothing to see here, move along, folks.

And to top off the fun of 19 weeks there are lots of other things to be thankful for. This week we had the midway anatomy scan where they spend a significant amount of time in the ultrasound looking at all the parts and pieces that make a little human perfect. Her brain, her heart, her stomach, her kidneys, her eyes, her bones and so many other things to see. She's doing so well in there, and the photos continue to amaze us, no matter how many times we see them. The only thing that didn't look exactly perfect was my placenta, which is right on top of my cervix, and hopefully moves over the next 8 or so weeks, and there was a small bright spot on her heart- a freckle of anatomy of sorts. It is more common in kids with down syndrome, but since we already had the Progenity scan and it showed with 99.9% accuracy she doesn't have downs, we aren't worried about it.

 Here's the money shot, confirming she's a girl.

 Her profile, with that button nose.

 These 3d/4d scans sort of freak me out. I don't think they are cute at all, but I figured I probably should share one of them. This one you can see her face sort of and her hand, moving toward her mouth, she's about to such her thumb.

 And here she's trying to get that thumb in her mouth.

Hello baby!

I was so glad to have this appointment because this pregnancy is everything other pregnancies are for me, but its also something more coming after a loss. There is this persistent, constant nagging anxiety that its too good to be true and that something will be wrong, something will cause the same kind of heartbreak. I know that its unlikely and probably irrational, but it can't be prevented. Everyday I get more and more anxious waiting for the first kick. Sometimes she doesn't pay much attention to kicking until later on in the evening, but every day she's there to remind me that her kung fu skills are in tact.

So, even though I'm sure my anxiety won't decrease, I know that as time goes on we'll get more and more excited and more an more hopeful for a healthy, lovely, feisty baby girl.  Here we go toward the next few milestones in pregnancy fun, the glucose test, picking a name, designing the nursery and more and more visits to the midwives.

Cheese curds, riding bikes and summer memories

It feels a little bit like as the years go by, our summers get busier instead of easier and more relaxed in one sense. Its conflicting, because the boys are pretty self sufficient, which means that we do have much more time to enjoy things together and for them to enjoy their independence. But, we also try to push more into the summer months, to squeeze as much as we possibly can into those beautiful Minnesota days. If you've read anything of my summer musings in the blog, you know that the summer is my favorite. Its all smiles, sunshine, sandcastles, bike rides, state fairs, and camping. Its the sun going down late and sleeping in. Its playing lakeside, taking adventures, and eating on the back porch. Its glorious really.

This summer was no different. We squeezed it all in. Two camping trips. Two lakehouse trips (thats a separate set of posts, of course). A trip to Hawaii, many other adventures on nearly every single weekend. We finished the deck (hooray!), Owen took off on two wheels (hooray!) and we soaked in sunshine like it was going out of style.

Summer makes my heart soar mostly- I get to spend time with the boys, we get to do fun things outside and they get to build memories that will hopefully last a lifetime. So, without further ado, here's our summer in photos:

Kindergarten end of year field day at EDW

 Camping trip number 1 and first time geocaching! Geocaching was so much fun!

 A trip to Michigan for girls weekend and some one on one time with Nana and Papa

 Road trips! Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin

 Park Picnics!

 Second camping trip!

 State Fair! Cheese curds included!

And finally, Collin's summer-fall soccer league.