And He's off

Collin is finally walking! After 14 months of stubborness over-taking logic he's finally figured out it might just be more convenient to walk instead of crawl. He's still working on perfecting the skill, but uses it a little more each day. Before we know it he'll be running. Here's a little video of some of his first steps.

Times are a changin'

Believe it our not, we're 18 weeks into this pregnancy. Maybe its easier for others to believe than me- as everything is incredibly different this time around. Well, not everything... there was the ridiculously annoying and gut-wrenchingly disgusting nausea that came with the first trimester. While not as generally awful overall as it was with Collin, this time it included much more intensity over brief periods of time. For one or two hours a day I'd feel like I was about to somehow eject my stomach through my mouth (which makes for a fantastic visual, I know :)

Oh, and there is the heartburn. Again, not as horrible as it was with Collin, but still present and annoying. Oh Tums.....

Then there are the things that are different. For example, this time the back pain is starting earlier and is duller. So I'm consistently hurting, but not quite enough to do much about it just yet :) We'll see how that goes. This time I'm much more tolerant of all the aches and growing pains that come with being pregnant. Round ligament pain, crazy leg cramps, awful, awful skin- they're all part of the package, I guess.

Originally I thought I was gaining weight faster this time, but our last visit to the doctor at 15 weeks showed I still haven't gained any weight-but apparently my body has figured out how to redistribute it, because I have a little baby belly. The last time around we posted the first bump photos around 17 weeks I think, so this week I'll post another to compare. I don't think I'm actually that much bigger than last time now that I'm comparing, so maybe all is on the same track as Collin was.

But maybe the most obvious change is how we're preparing, or better described, not preparing. Life is moving at so much of a faster pace that its difficult to spend a ton of time perseverating over what crib and what not. But, I enjoy doing it, so late at night, in the weee hours of the morning I peruse the internet for baby bedding and other adorable paraphernalia.

This time I'm more relaxed when it comes to the rules too. I've eaten lunch meat (gasp), Feta and Goat Cheese (double gasp- although I was sure to make sure both were pasteurized), a bratwurst or two and a few glasses of good ol' Coke-a-Cola, with the caffeine. Still, all in very small moderation, but I'm letting go of all of the small things, one by one, for the benefit of my sanity and convenience.

I'm also way worse at keeping track. Last time, had you asked me on any given day of the 40 weeks how far along I was, I probably could have regurgitated days and weeks. Yes, sir, I'm 16 weeks 4 days today. Ha. ha.

Not the case this time. I'm lucky if I can guess what week we're in. Thank goodness for the online tracker on the bump.com, because that's about the only way I can confidently tell where we are. My guesses are much more general these days when people ask. "Oh, we're in the middle of the second trimester". Sorry, baby. I don't mean to be so aloof about how long you've been part of our world.

Now, here we are in the second trimester. So, at first this pregnancy seemed easier than the first, mostly, I think because I didn't have the time to be concerned or monitor every tiny development of what exactly was going on with the baby. I was chasing a toddler for goodness sakes, I barely have time to brush my teeth.

But lately, now that we are approaching the half way part I've had some guilt set in. I really haven't spent that much time thinking about this baby. Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited for his or her delivery, but at this time with Collin I felt connected to what was happening every week, I felt like I had a sense of how each little fingertip, each little kick was orchestrated to be part of our lives. This time, I feel as though I'm just now wondering, hey baby, how's it going in there. As a result, to make up for my lack of concern up until this point, I've suddenly become concerned about everything. I'm like a first time parent all over again.

Am I eating enough? Did I accidentally sleep on my back last night? Should I be holding Collin for such long periods of time? Is the strain on my back affecting the baby? Should I continue to let Collin use me as a human Jungle gym? Am I doing everything I can to ensure a healthy baby and delivery? The concerns rage on in my mind as I focus in on whats important for this baby, while juggling Collin's needs, our lives at home and work.

Well, you know what they say, all in a day's work, I suppose.

So at 17/18 weeks I find myself anticipating the 20 week ultrasound that not only will tell us if this little baby is a boy or a girl (my inclination says boy), but also confirms that the little kiddo inside me is happy, healthy and growing well. I can't wait to see him (or her) and take a bit of relief in with the joy of seeing the baby moving around, growing, kicking and enjoying the beginning of his or her journey to our family.

In case you were unaware...

We like Collin so much we asked the Stork to bring us another!

This baby is due January 20th, so we are at 15 weeks now, nearly half way. We're very excited to be welcoming a second baby into our family and we'll be sure to share more about the pregnancy in the near future.

Just Keep Swimming...

Sometimes its a smell, other times its a feeling, but traveling to northern Michigan always sends me right back to the happiest memories of my childhood. Camping, reveling lakeside, enjoying Michigan's great lakes, building sand castles on the beach, spending hour upon hours outside until the last ember of the last log has faded into a glimmer of the wonderful day behind me. Its difficult to capture the sense that thinking about summer vacation at the lake gives me. I hang on to it as the epitome of childhood, the times when we as kids, were able to be our truest selves, running around in the sand, swimming along the beach, doing nothing but inventing each moment from one to the next. Remembering my childhood at the lake brings about a sense of refreshing renewal, but also an incredibly sentimental and nostalgic cloud that seems to shadow any other possible perception about the lake and cottage. There could have been a serial killer at the lake, but I would never have known or ever remembered anything to that effect. Its too pure of a memory to be tainted.

I feel as though this effort is like Finding Nemo, only we're (I'm) searching for the recreating of memories of the cottage buried deep within Michigan's northern lake sides. Nemo, a little clown fish on his way to the more exciting and happier world finds himself content to be at home where the memories of his mother, his life with friends and his world are comforting- but he doesn't arrive at this conclusion before exploring the greater world. So maybe I'm Nemo, out trying to find the elusive perfect location to again start building those cottage memories.

This year we were able to take Collin with us for our second annual (second with intentions of 50 or so) summer lake house visit. This trip was incredibly nostalgic, important and exciting all at the same time. Now that Collin is 1, and observing the world around him at lightening pace, this trip would provide the first opportunity for him to see summer on the lake in Michigan as I had.

As a kid, I loved the lakes of Michigan. I loved every moment of the time we spent there- I can still smell the inside of our camper, still see me and my cousins-the Astropops in one hand with a box of popcorn in the other as we raced back to the beach after a quick treat to continue our sand castle masterpieces. I still, to this day, inhale campfire deeply, sucking it into my bones, reawakening the immense sense of home I get from visiting the lake house, the campground, the cottage...wherever our boots landed us that particular year. Never too far from the shores of Higgins Lake and never the same experience twice. I've dug through some family photos, and here are those very moments that I cherish so deeply, captured in time.
Back in the 80s my grandparents used to rent a cabin on Higgins Lake, owned by some friends of theirs, for the week so that their entire family (don't get too excited,there were only 10 of us at the time) could create the particular moments I sound fondly remember together. I'm so thankful that they are captured on camera so that year after year I can reaffirm the love I have not only in my memories, but in concrete proof that families can and do thrive on the kind of love that emanates from trips like these. Its that particular thought that makes me anxiously anticipate the future for our family, so that when my kids are older they can look back on our trips to Michigan with the same tenderness and nostalgia that I have of my childhood cottage, camping and lake house experiences.

This year our trip took us away from Higgins Lake, as the cottage has long been sold and is now both not for rent, and incredibly too small for our growing family. Higgins Lake itself, meaning sparkling water, is just that. The lake is about 4 miles wide by about 7 miles long and has miles and miles of soft sandy beaches with crystal clear water and clean sandy beaches that slowly meanders out from the shore, making it a fantastic location for swimming.
As we daydreamed about what it would take to get to Higgins, we found ourselves renting a cottage on Chandler Lake, a mere 5 minutes from Traverse City, where as an adult I've created many fantastic memories. This particular year I was challenged with a cognitive conundrum, trying to relate my childhood memories to a location that had been entirely created in memories of my adulthood. Truth be told, I LOVE Traverse City. Its an AMAZING location. The water is almost tropical, its so clear and beautiful in the Grand Traverse Bay, and the area is peppered with amazing shopping, terrific beaches and loads of local vineyards with DELICIOUS wines. BUT, it doesn't speak to me like Higgins when I think about what I want for Collin. Collin doesn't particularly care about the shopping, the wine, the great food or the serenity of the bay. He'll care about the sand in his toes, the temperature of the water, the spray that comes from the dogs tails as they try to lure him away from his toys, only for a moment, to begin a game of hide and seek.
Not to be undersold, Chandler lake was a wonderful week and the contentedness I felt there, staring at the lake, with a glass reflection of the millions of stars, was almost palpable. It took less than a day for me to find myself entering the twilight zone known as "the cottage". Its almost hypnotic, but in the most sincere and accepting way- I was ready to be here and took on the the cottage quickly and effortlessly. On the second day I was spending my time (sans internet) thinking about boating, what to eat for lunch, and how many books I'd be able to read, and that, dear friends was the content of my brain. It was fantastic. No work-related stress, no pressure of chores, maintenance, or scheduling. Our biggest issues were how to straddle nap times with not one, but at least two trips to the sand and lake shore. I dropped technology like a hot potato, wished the TV would disappear directly out of the cottage and brought out board games to entertain us. Many games of Mancala, Scrabble, Scattergories, Sequence and Cranium later, I found myself right back in the heart of Higgins lake family serenity. This was the cottage, and as it turned out, it didn't matter where we were actually located geographically, we were making do, and providing Collin with hours of entertainment and memories, much like Higgins Lake.


As it turns out, without even trying we've recreated some of the best photographs from my childhood with Collin. We've already begun the process of instilling him the importance of removing oneself from the claws of societal strain and immersing oneself in the joys of nature and family. We spend a significant amount of time outside, we enjoy nature and we hope that it rubs off on him. We want him to swim like a fish, play in the mud and hike through the hills with confidence, but also reckless abandon.





Next year, we've finally made a reservation that puts us at a cottage on Higgins Lake. I won't lie, I do expect this cottage to be the place. The place where Collin starts to really remember the small piece of happiness our family has strung together, a string of thoughts, feelings, smells, intensities, that some day will become a necklace of the lakes of Michigan.
I'm anxious for next summer already, but also poised the chart new territory as Collin finds his own ways to make the lake a special place for himself.

Our time this year left quite a trail of activities to be topped next year- we at a ridiculous amount of perfectly toasted marshmallow (thanks mom), we went bike riding, we went swimming, we kayaked in the Grand Traverse Bay, we went shopping and at at delicious restaurants. We watch the sunset over the lake, counted to stars and made our way to bed much too late, to give up on rising far too early for a days filled with relaxation, naps, and food.
Oh boy, was there food. If nothing else, my family intends to make all who attend are fed, and not just fed, but well fed. Every day was a buffet of flavors, fresh farmers market finds, old family recipes and more cookies, treats and brownies than you could shake a stick at. Margaritas at noon, bloodymarys in the mornings and beer and wine at night served my family well, and before we knew it the week was coming to a close.
All too soon I was already missing Traverse City, missing the lake house, wondering what lucky family is inhabiting it now, enjoying the same summer view. I miss my family, I miss the connection that the memories I was so excited to recreate represent, but most of all I miss being together, because together, no matter where we are, things are perfect. As it turns out, I'm still following Nemo's path. So, until next year we'll just keep swimming.

Hollman Humor

Collin's been doing some fairly funny stuff lately. He cracks up at nearly everything and we just love his little laugh. Pretty much everywhere we go he's laughing, the store, in the middle of church, during dinner, whenever...
Drew caught two instances of his hilarity on his phone, so the videos are pretty low quality, but still funny nonetheless.

Collin Turns One

Dear Collin-
I continually wonder where the time has gone as you've grown, but facing one year has made that perspective a bit more intense and suddenly overwhelmingly heartbreaking. You're a toddler now and the baby in you disappears little by little everyday. I hang on to those moments, those brief glimpses of baby--those cuddles and snuggles like they are little bits of gold, but the more I try to find ways to hold tight to the baby in you, the more independence you assert.Its so difficult for me to reconcile as I encourage you to grow and shed small little tears about losing all of the baby in our lives.
Lately, we spend our days on great explorations. You are a sponge and your little brain is exploding with new information. Your inquisitive nature makes you incredibly interested in how the world works. You learn so quickly and are into everything. It took you a day to figure out how to quickly scale the stairs, 15 minutes to figure out how to use the bookcase to scale the shelves and 10 minutes to figure out how to throw your new favorite balls down the hallway in sequence so they happily bounce, bounce, bounce. You figured out how to open cupboards, how to crawl inside the space under the stairs and how to quickly chase us into territory you usually are prevented from being in when the opportunity is right(the storage room, the laundry room, in the refrigerator etc.). You take after your dad in so many ways- you are such a monkey, climbing everything.
You're now saying "dada" consistently, which makes daddy smile, as its taken you awhile to learn to say it, and you also babble all the time. You're a regular motormouth. You're vocabulary is expanding, and we can almost see you taking in so many new words and ideas every day as we label your world from top to bottom. Its incredible to see the gears in your little brain turn as you are learning and absorbing all of the fantastic pieces of your environment.

Your first birthday was eventful in many ways for us- you now have a shiny new playset with a swing, which you love, and you're now entering a stage of independence. Its almost as though you walked through a door on your first birthday and haven't looked back. We've had to introduce "discipline" to our vocabulary, as you test and test when it comes to things where we set boundaries- ingelectrical outlets, trying to play with the space heater in your room, throwing food off your tray to feed the dog. You try and try to find a way to explore things off limits, only to be crushed by our persistent "no"s. You cry and look to use for comfort, as if we've just betrayed you by telling you no so clearly.

You wake up every morning by standing tall in your crib and talking to me through the monitor. If could decipher what you are trying to communicate with your nonsensical words I'd image it was something like, "oh mama, hurry and come get me, I miss you!" as everyday when I lift you out you greet the day by giving me an enormous hug.

You still love books and look forward to reading new stories every day. You're trying lots of new foods as we try desperately hard to give you vegetables in any form. You love flavor, pesto and pasta, guacamole and sun-dried tomato and spinach sausage. You're so daring in many ways, but tasting vegetables is not one of them. When you don't like something you windshield wiper it off the tray of your highchair quickly supplying the dog with a buffet of flavors.
You've just finished your first semester at the little gym, and you've come such a long way. You love forward rolls and walking around wheel-barrow style. You love seeing your little friends every Saturday, and have learned to crawl and nearly walk all within the small, brief glimpse of your time together. The families there appreciate your smile and happiness, as its so very contagious.

We still don't let you watch television, and we really don't miss it. We enjoy spending time playing with you, teaching you animal sounds and body parts, working on your throwing skills and taking walks around the neighborhood, where three quarters of our neighbors look forward to seeing your smiling face.
Over the course of this year you've stolen my heart in ways that I didn't think were possible, you can melt me with your smile, send me in an instant panic with your tears and make me laugh with your silly little faces nearly everyday, from your frog sounds to the quick lizard tongue you've recently started to imitate.

Your personality is so much a blend of both of us. You have my excessive stubbornness- you'll sign only after I request it three or four times (although you're getting much better at this) and then provide the sign begrudgingly. You have your dad's sense of humor- you'll laugh at nearly anything that you can and find laughter entirely contagious, if we start laughing you pick up on it and it turns into pure hilarity.
You're growing so fast, and we're barely keeping up. Chasing you keeps us on our toes, and even though you're quickly escaping around every corner, we love seeing you grow.
At the end of 12 months I find myself wondering how the year passed so quickly and at the same time catching a glimpse of what the next year will bring. These past 12 months have added such joy to our lives, we can't imagine how we existed without you. Now that you are here its as though our capabilities to love have grown 10 fold, our patience has tripled and our life as a couple has turned into life as a family. We're so happy your here and we can't wait to see what the future holds.

Love,
Momma and Daddy

Queen of lateness from Running-Behindville....

Well, you know the drill... I usually open my blogs with some self-deprecating statement about how far behind I am on blogging. I'm still here in that boat. As it turns out a whole whirlwind of things have happened since my last post, to name a few, mother's day, we bought a new car, Collin turned one, my whole family came and visited from Michigan, Collin got sick (and better)...and the list goes on. If you've ever seen The Soup on comedy central you'll know that they do these ultra short synopsis vignettes for shows. I think it might be appropriate if I try that with our life. Here's our life in 5 brief episodes, to be followed by one real post about Collin's birthday (because what kind of mom would I be if I reduced Collin's birthday to 4 short sentences?!?)

Episode 1: Mother's Day.
I love my mom. She's taught me so many things, like for instance, how to cook without measuring, I do the 'little bit here', 'dash there' thing all the time. It frustrates Drew sometimes when he asks me how to make something and I never know quantities. So for mother's day, reflecting on my own mother's experiences-- my life in review looked something like this:
At 5 years old: make ridiculous gift- likely ugly Christmas tree ornament for mom, she accepts, slaps a smile on her face and graciously says thank you as though I've just handed over a string of pearls. Said ornament continues to show up on "downstairs" tree for years to come. I wonder who made the ugly thing.
Flash forward to 12, tween-days. Mother's day comes around, spend the day 'pretending' to be appreciative. Instead wonder how I ended up with such a horrible life. ugh. Tweens are so terribly dramatic. Sorry mom. I pretty sure I was particularly full of shit at that point.
Flash forward to 16/17 or so. Spend mother's day, as usual, at the Mother's Day matinee for whatever show the high school is putting on (Sound of Music, Maybe?). I'm in the show, covered with three inches of pancake makeup and as I'm approaching back stage for opening curtain I see friends giving their mom's flowers. It occurs to me I've totally forgot, and not only have I totally forgot, my younger siblings had no idea it was mother's day without my help. Its the end of the day, and we haven't even said "happy mother's day". Still feel shitty about that one. Bigger Sorry mom.
Flash forward to 24/25. Settling into life, newly married, excited to be a mom. Start to realize how fantastic my mom was in my life growing up. Hmmm. How is it that the culmination of realizing my mom's tolerance, love and generosity were enormous, took, oh say, 25 years. Plan to pray for my own kids not to be so dense. Sorry again mom. In a nutshell, I love you. It took me a long time to grow to the person I am now, but I'm very happy and attribute so much of that to your love.
Episode Two: The shiny new car.
So it has been on our minds for awhile to purchase a new car. Our family will expand one day and I'd like to be able to get to the back seat of the vehicle without turning on my hazards like a John Deere tractor, slowing to 35, pulling over, straddling the seat and falling into the backseat to determine what exactly it was that made Collin cry in the first place. So off we went to see cars while Lori and Pete watched the little man. We had already discussed what we were in the market for--I was not about to be part of the soccer mom variety sporting school bumper stickers and a personalized vehicle-only kiddie menu in place of my sanity, complete with four automatic doors that slide on a minivan, thank you very much. No Odyssey, Town and Country or Sienna for us. We were exclusively looking at crossovers. We've even narrowed it down to the Chevy Traverse or Buick Enclave because we get the lovely friends and family discount (thanks Uncle Pete!), so really, how hard could it be?!?
I thought, 3 hours MAX and we'll have a good idea of what we want. 8 hours later I was trying to poke my own eyes out.
Hour 1: Look at every tiny detail on Chevy Traverse while sales lady continues to banter us about purchasing a car. Continue to tell her over and over we're not buying until we see other cars at other dealerships. Said sales later tries to extrude early literacy advice from me while test-driving cars, all the while I'm thinking, what do I get in this exchange? Reduced APR???
Hour 3: Move on to Walser Buick to see the Enclave. Meet snotty sales lady and her side kick. Side kick is especially douche-like. Can't handle sitting in front of him for more than 10 minutes. After asking for a quote on paper, which he refused to provide, we leave. Both of them are sweating "my shit doesn't stink and you'll buy a car on our terms" airs. Sort of makes me want to throw up in one of their cars.
Now were cranky because of dealership and because we're starving because we wasted another hour at this place. Boo Hiss.
Hour 5: Wander into Whitebear lake superstore (read Buick) dealership with trepidation. Fear the Enclave cockiness is ingrained in all sellers of the vehicle. Wait for sales man to approach us. We're ready for the punches to fly. But, surprisingly, its a whole different atmosphere at this dealership. This guy doesn't seem to think that Buick Enclaves are to be auctioned off to the highest bidder....So we start to get serious and he totally wins us over. This sales guy talks us out of navigation package and DVD package. We're a little bit surprised, but glad to see there are some Minnesota nice folks still out there who believe in customer service. So after hours of adjusting prices, meeting our needs and trying really hard to stay patient and positive (after financing, insurance, tax, title, and other necessary crap) we finally left the dealership driving a brand new, lovely and spectacular Buick Enclave.


A month later I still am completely in love with this car, which makes us confident that we've made the right decision. We're planning to have this car around for a long long time, so our investment is for the long haul hopefully hasn't been in vain :)

Episode Three: Collin's Cough
A few weeks before Collin's first birthday, (about a week before he was supposed to get his one year shots) we woke up to a sad little face troubling to breathe, with that awful wheezy, bark-y cough hoping for our help at 3 a.m. It was on a Wednesday, so at three a.m., in a panic, with Collin equally panicky about not being able to breathe- we set up camp in the bathroom with a never-ending steam bath emanating from our our shower head. By about 5 a.m. he was breathing better, but I was convinced my adorable baby had made it nearly to a year without so much as a cold and now we were paying for it with Croup. So, on Thursday morning we made an appointment and wandered into see our Doctor. Unfortunately for us, our regularly happy and helpful doctor was off for the day, so we'd be seeing another doctor, who was less than cheery. After two minutes of listening to Collin breathe and asking us to describe his "bark" she determined it wasn't croup, just an "awful virus" and there was nothing to do for it. We were less than satisfied :( Two weeks later, one rescheduling of 1 year shots and lots of nights of a misserable baby our little guy was still barking. So, at his one year shots appt we asked again, only to hear, its just a virus, and we might be waiting for up to two weeks for it to get better...Three days later, Memorial day weekend began, our family flooded Minnesota and everyone was worried for Collin's cough. So, on and on, a total of three weeks later (that's 21 whole days!) it was finally starting to wane. I hate having a sick baby! We felt so guilty that we couldn't do anything for him while he coughed and coughed. I feel doubly awful for those families that have babies who catch colds, viruses and get sick so early in life. What a stressful and exhausting journey back to health.

Episode Four: Michiganders in Minnesota
Collin's first birthday was actually on the 21st of May, but since the holiday was approaching quickly and our family had a long way to travel, we moved his birthday party to the 29th, to have it while everyone was here to visit. So, across the miles came Nana and Papa Wackerle, Auntie Andrea and Uncle Nathan, Nathan's girlfriend Faya, her daughter Jayla and from Milwaukee, Grandpa and Grandma Hollman. We were so blessed to have family and friends in town and we enjoyed the wonderful weekend together- a birthday party, a trip to the zoo and lots of time with family he rarely gets to see. Collin loved having everyone here, was spoiled by being held and played with 24/7. Collin didn't seem to get the whole "blow the candle out" thing, and really wasn't into the cake so much, but really enjoyed all of his new toys.