A lesson in humility

If you know me, you probably know that I've devoted a big chunk of my work to community-based participatory research (CBPR). This kind of research is very different from "Ivory Tower" research in that we look to communities to tell us what they want, to initiate their requests for help and to lead us through decision making processes that result in programs that are sort of "for the people, by the people, grass roots true"

One of the projects I work on I'm pretty proud of because it is truly CBPR. Family Academy is a parenting intervention for parents of children ages 0-3 where parents and kids come to Saturday sessions and work together to learn new parenting strategies. While the parents are learning, the kids are in high-quality education classrooms. The class goes for 12 weeks and we've seen tremendous success with it.

For whatever reason though, this session has sort of low attendance. We have one particular family that has gone through a lot lately. And when I say a lot, if you could read the instances she's dealt with you'd probably re-frame your current definition of "a lot". Seriously. This mom has been through some TOUGH stuff, but she's attended every week with four of her adorable children.

Given her dedication and the added struggles she's faced, I wanted to (with the help of many generous colleagues) make her Christmas a little brighter. So, prior to Christmas I collected donations from co-workers and presented her with $260.00 in giftcards to local merchants. She doesn't have a car, so I offered to arrange for a sitter and take her shopping.

It felt so good to give. When I told her with a colleague she cried tears of joy. This would make a tremendous difference for her.

The day came to take her shopping and I was a little excited to go. It felt like "ooh a shopping spree!" We had agreed to meet in the afternoon and I was truckin' through the beginning of my day at work when she sent me a text that the youngest two children (2 and 3 years old) were sick with fevers and needed medicine. She said that she had put them in the stroller (remember, she doesn't have a car) and walked them over to the community agency where the sitter would be. It was SO cold and windy that day.

When I picked her up, the kids were feverish and she was worried. I was worried too, but she wanted to continue, so off we went to Target. When we got there, I was totally disillusioned by what we would be doing. She got a cart and we went straight to socks, underwear, mittens, and scarves. These were the things her four children needed, and she was entirely smart about it, buy from the clearance racks and choosing the best purchase for her money. She bought diapers and shared gifts like a board game and cards. Each child got one small gift of their own, and then with such a sad empty cart we were in line to pay. Here we were at the checkout with a bill exceeding the gift card by 35 dollars. I payed the balance. It made me a little bit sick to my stomach to see how very little that money could stretch even with her thrifty clearance buys. With four children 200 dollars doesn't buy much. I was disheartened. I couldn't fathom asking her to put away such necessities to get the bill under the gift card.

We went back to the kids to find them still ill and feverish. Then on to the grocery where the other 60 dollars in gift cards would allow the purchase of cough drops and medicine. For me, it quickly became the day in the life of this mom, which was a giant dose of humility for me. She was incredibly grateful that I could take her around to run errands and resolve the issues with getting the kids' medicine, but it was entirely my pleasure, as I could really truly see through her eyes for a day. We got the medicine, picked up the little ones, then a call from the after school program said one of the other children was sick, so off we went to get her. Then back to get more medicine for that child and finally on to home. It made my heart ache to think she would of had to do all of that pushing a stroller on her feet in the bitter wind that day if I wasn't there. It seemed so defeating. So HARD.

I started that day thinking that I would be able to share some Christmas joy with her. I ended that evening learning quite a bit about how hard it is to survive in low-income communities where barriers are around every corner.

Her life is hard. Everyday she has to get her kids to school and find someone to watch the little two so she can go to work. She has to walk wherever she needs to be on her own two feet in the bitter cold of Minnesota winters. She has to argue with the pharmacist to get her prescriptions because she is on Medicade or Medicare. She has to watch her children struggle with the brutal force of the wind and the tears that come with being sick because she has to wait hours to be seen at a local clinic.

Its really heartbreaking.
I take all of these things for granted.
Every single Day.

And still, she makes an effort to come to Family Academy improve her parenting skills every Saturday morning.
Thats amazing.
Truly amazing. When her needs are SO great, she values parenting as one of the things she focuses on.

I can't explain how grateful I am to have been given the chance to be with her for that day. It had nothing to do with the shopping and everything to do with learning to walk a day in her shoes and be grateful for what I have.

My life is easy. I'm incredibly blessed and lucky.
This holiday season I've choosen to focus on the luckiness, the thankfulness and to remember to be grateful. That experience truly had been a lesson in humility for me. One well taken and much deserved.

Building a house part 5? 7?... I lost count

House remodeling/house building/house renovation is like a roller coaster.You go through all of this work to build and design something you think you'll love, and then the days come when you have to make the real decisions and you wonder "did I order that?" or "What the hell is that monstrosity?"

Thats sort of how I feel about the house right now. Our architect reassures me that everyone goes through this phase and I have to ignore the ridiculous look of the new structure. He reminds me that its difficult for my brain to see my house as anything but the house it was and so change is hard and alarming to my brain. 

So, with a deep breath I'm sharing this week's photos. I know that it will come together soon, but I wouldn't be surprise if you looked at these and said, "are you sure?", "really?" in your most passive oh-my-goodness-what-the-f***- are-they-doing-to-their-house voice.

Here we go.

First thing: notice whats missing? The chimney. Totally gone.

Here we are between two giant structures, in the soon to be bridge above the mudroom. Garage on the right and kitchen and bedroom on the right.

Here's the upstairs bedroom above the kitchen. Its sort of a fun loft room. I'm pretty excited about this room.

Here's another view at the awful basketball hoop (that will come down) from the bridge (that will be constructed soon) looking forward.

This is in the new construction. Its the door to the nursery and the big window out the front of the house in the nursery.

Looking out that very same window.

The double closets across from the window.

The psuedo-bridge. Its coming soon, I promise.

This is looking from the nursery back into our room. The kids bathroom and our bathroom are on the left.

Here's our room. It has a vaulted ceiling.

Looking out our window in our bedroom.

Looking from our bedroom down the hall to the nursery.

Here's the part I actually love a whole lot, even though its gigantic. Its the back of the house. The back of the house is my favorite part of the house. Here you can see how the whole back is shaping up.

This is the mudroom between the house and garage. Nice and big!

In the mudroom.

In the kitchen.

Looking from the kitchen to the living room. The red is where the fireplace will go.

Standing in front of the fireplace looking back into the kitchen. You can see the second floor here, where my favorite bedroom with the balcony will be.

Another view of that bedroom and the balcony.

Here's the back of the house from the west side. They haven't attached this part of the house to the original part yet.

This is my favorite view. From the back yard.

Back of the mudroom/ back entry.

and here's the view I'm hating currently. Giant 2 story garage thing sitting next to current house. I think WTF every time I see it. Then I close my eyes, take a deep breath and remember it will look fantastic when it is all done.

See what I mean. It looks like it was Velcro-ed on to the side!

Okay, here there is some potential, but it still looks awful right now. I can't wait until they change the front of the current house.

And then, the other side.
Sigh.
Just be done already!

Really though. I'm anxious and experiencing cognitive dissonance about the house. This week we've finally, really, for reals settled on siding color. Grey.
I know, earth shattering.
Cape Cod, lightish-darkish grey.

We also picked doors and a fireplace. Look at that, I can make a decision!

Anyway, this is the last update until after the holidays I think, so be prepared to see major changes in the next update. Hopefully it makes a big difference, at least in my mind, since I'm the one who has to live there!

St Nick's Day

This year we were on top of the St Nick's day thing (if you remember last year, he came a day late at our house. Woops.) Anyway, the boys were prepared for what he might leave (rocks/coal/ etc.) since they've been leaning toward the naughty side a bit. We don't sugar coat things around here, so St Nick really did think about leaving some coal, but couldn't find any.

Never the less,  he did leave a hefty warning about Christmas behavior. This year there were two pairs of boots ready and waiting. Owen's (the black ones) had three packs of fruit snacks, while Collin's the red ones had two (because he's been a bit more naughty). Collin noticed this, but didn't seem to care too much, after all, he did get some fruit snacks.

But, St Nick also left behind this blue box with a note for the boys. Collin was anxious to open it and see what Santa had written to him.

Inside there was our new friend, the Elf on a Shelf , the book that tells you all about him, and a note from Santa that warned the boys about good behavior.  Santa wrote that he had been watching the boys and knew there was some mischief going on. A few too many time outs and and handful of instances where listening ears were nowhere to be found ( As a side note: Why does no one ever talk about how hard the third year is?!?! Three is DIFFICULT. Terrible twos have nothing on this year. Sheesh). Since this had been happening at our house, Santa sent this very special elf to keep watch and report back to him every night.

The boys sort of oohed and ahhed over the magic of the elf. First, they had to think of a name (they decided on "Buttons the Christmas Elf") and then they asked every possible question imaginable about how the Christmas magic happens.

How does he watch us? He's not alive!

How does he fly to the north pole and come back?

How will he get out of the box?

How does he talk to Santa if he can't talk to me?

How does the Christmas Magic work?

Owen's Question: "Where Ho Ho???" (meaning Santa)

and the list goes on.

Its unfortunate that St Nick didn't send a parental user guide for explaining the Elf, but somehow we managed to muddle through.

Anyhow, now Buttons flies off to the North Pole every night and reports to Santa and flies back to find a new hiding place for the next day (today he is perched on a ceiling fan blade in our kitchen).

We're not exactly sure if he's having the intended effect but the boys sure do think its fun to find him every morning when they wake up.

So this year for St Nick's day we took "he sees you when you are sleeping, he knows when you are awake, he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake" to a whole new level.

We hope it works!
Happy St Nick's day!

Second Floor Fun

Things are moving up! New walls really add a bit more to "seeing" the new house, especially getting to see where the windows are, the doors and such. We're leaping out into the great beyond here, watching the house go up, up, up! 
 

So here we are in the mainfloor kitchen (or what used to be the kitchen). This window used to look out into the backyard, but now it looks into the new kitchen!

On the second floor, above the garage things are starting to take shape. Here Drew is on the "bridge" between the new addition above the garage and the old house. Looking straight ahead is the new nursery bedroom, its at the front of the house.

This is the same spot, but drew is standing over the mudroom now. You can see a sliver of the front yard.

Here is the mud room. It runs between the garage and the house.

Here is the mudroom still, but you can sort of see into where the new kitchen will be on the right.

This is inside the garage. The garage is really long because its a stacked double stall.

At the end of the garage (after the small garage doors) is Drew's workshop. He's pretty excited about that coming together.

Here's the garage from the front. The big window is into the nursery room.

And here's the new front door. It will be be the front of the mudroom.

This is the other side of the house, where the tall cathedral ceilings will be. This wall will have the fireplace on it (which goes between the two windows). You can see the basement windows below and the light well/fire escape.

Same windows, different angle.

Here is the view from the back so far. You can see where the french doors will go in the middle.

Same view, but you can see where the shop sticks out to. Above the shop is our master bedroom.

You can see the window in our master bedroom in this photo and the next one.

Here is the backdoors to the workshop with our room above, the mudroom back door and then the back of the main part of the house. You can see the kitchen window to the backyard.

Another workshop photo.

This is my nice big kitchen! Hooray! Its hard to see how it will look, but it already seems fantastic to me!

This is the view from my kitchen sink to the backyard. I love this view. I'll be able to see whatever my mysichevious boys are doing!

Looking from the kitchen at the fireplace wall.

And back to the garage again. Can you tell Drew is excited (there are a lot of photos of the garage and shop).

Here is the upstairs view, the nursery again.

Heading toward our bedroom there is the kids bath and then our master bath and walk in closet. Our room is at the very end of this hallway.

The nursery bedroom from the inside.

The nursery closets.

Walking back into our bedroom at the walk in closet (on the left).

Windows in our bedroom.

View from the master into the backyard.

Looking from the master back down toward the nursery.

The second floor over the kitchen (which will be a bedroom eventually) The knee wall shows where the roof will come down and create the open ceiling.

And there you have it! The second floor is starting to take place.
Next week, scissor trusses and such to frame up some more!