Easter Blessings

Its April. There's still snow looming in the forecast. Yuck.
But, we've tried to remedy it with Easter Celebrations. We were successful! If only for a few moments before we realized it's still cold, rainy and miserable outside.
Yuck again.
This baby boy makes it hard to be too gloomy for too long!

And the Easter traditions that Collin got to participate in kept a smile plastered to my face. He was adorable as he colored eggs and prepared for the Easter Bunny. Collin kept saying: "Easter bunny hide eggs!"


For Easter this year we went to Milwaukee, as we usually do. Although, this time we were traveling for the first time with both boys and Samson. It was going to be an adventure! (and it panned out to be a LONG adventure!). Nearly 7 hours from St Paul to Milwaukee, lots of potty breaks, feedings, naps and a RIDICULOUSLY long ride, we made it in one piece, arriving well after bedtime with two tired boys.

Owen did amazingly well for is first ride, he seemed to be happy just hanging out in his car seat, while Collin was a bit more of a challenge- with sporadic "Pee Potty, Mama!" requests, and a failed attempt or two to use a portable potty, we surrendered to the fact we would have to stop for him to go potty, a lot.

Nevertheless, we continued on, and thank our lucky stars we bought the Enclave. I never would have survived without the ability to get back to the boys without stopping the car and the third row (where if there would have been a quiet minute or two I could have laid down for a nap).

We also traded in the Easter Bunny's regular delivery schedule for an updated version with Easter happening on Saturday. As a result, pictures ensued, Easter dinner and lots of yummy treats (the famous Kahlua dip and Guinness cupcakes with Bailey's frosting). So, here we are, family collections in tow...


While in Wiconsin Owen got his first chance to meet many of the rest of the family, including great Aunt Jan, Uncle Chris , Gigi Hollman and The Gross family. Owen also spent time with Grandpa, who took care of him while I was away on business. They seem to be getting along famously, so maybe Owen takes the lead on wrapping a grandparent around his finger only a day or so after meeting him!



And while Owen was getting to know family, Collin was taking his opportunity to swim in the pool and get his first go at the piano with Grandma's help. He loved being able to jump in the water, motorboat around and swim like a fish and press the keys of the piano to make sweet little bits of music. A week later he's still asking to swim in grandma and grandpa's pool.




All in all, Easter was a great visit. Our lives are filled with blessings, and we're lucky to have the very best family and friends to help us celebrate.

And the little one said, Roll Over, Roll Over....

Tres Meses

Dear Sweet Owen-
Its been 100 days now since you were born. 100 days ago you woke me up in the middle of the night, the wee hour of 3 am to share that you were ready to meet this world. Throughout my entire pregnancy you were on your own schedule, with fierce independence, determining when you'd arrive (20 days early!), how you'd present (you were breech for about 2 days until you flipped) and who you'd greet- mommy and daddy, but barely daddy as he battled a stomach virus.

Your independence came early in life, taking your own path, and I think in getting to know you, that you'll continue to make your own way.I'm continually amazed with your strength, you kick your little legs out and support your body as though you are going to take off walking tomorrow. You love to stand up, nestled in the crutch of my hands, and there you are, alert and standing tall, taking in the world, as though each color, sound, and smell is building the scene of an amazing adventure. Your eyes widen and connect with new objects and faces, taking in each piece of information like its meant to be savored. You stare, bewildered and amazed all at the same time. Its truly amazing to watch.
Three days into your fourth month and you're rolling over, a feat that you seemed to have accidentally perfected, but somehow has connected you to knowledge of your feet and legs, as you kick toward the world, like a little fish heading out into a wide and deep ocean. Its no surprise to me that you're ready to move, as you continually watch Collin as though inside you are desperately trying to play along, but just can't find the words. All in due time, little Owen. Before we know it you'll be crawling, and my heart will be aching because you'll again have escaped my hold on your infancy.
You love to talk, to chatter and respond, a graceful conversation between the world around you and your own idea about life. Sometimes you are incredibly animated and we can get you to chatter for nearly 10 minutes at a time. To your mother's ears its like a love letter. I adore your conversation.

Your expressions are plentiful, with as many faces as diapers in a day. Your most beautiful expression is your smile, your delicate sweet smile. Every time I see you smile my heart nearly bursts with love. Its as though that little face is saying, momma, this is right where I want to be. I inhale those moments, breathing deeply, trying to savor and be present in every smallest joy you share.


Its true that I don't know how we've gotten this far in life without you. Now here you are, a pivotal part of our collective happiness. Sigh. This is what love is. Really.

Your days are much more manageable now, as at about 3 month you've settled into a schedule- you still sleep quite a bit, but its predictable at least, making our entire family more rested and pleasant. You go to bed at 7 pm and sleep until about 4:30/5 am, and you nap, nap nap, every 1.5 hours that you are awake leads to a nap throughout the day, working out to be about 4 naps. You're sleeping in your crib now, which is fantastic and horrible all at the same time. You're such an easy baby that it was fairly easy to transition you to the crib, but I was a bit heart broken that you aren't in our room anymore, I don't know that I was ready for you to be far away in your own room, but off you go, into the growing world around you, starting within the window of space of your crib.

When you greet the day you nearly always stretch out those adorable arms, high above your head, pushing and pulling the invisible ropes that lead up, out and over, into my arms. You smile, happy to see me, as if to say, well, hello mama! As though it is a surprise I've returned. Once you are awake, taking in the sunshine of the day, you greet your brother and we start the organized chaos that is our morning, from Collin's time on the potty, to tummy time for you, breakfast, nursing, diapers, diapers, diapers, playing, reading books, singing songs, cuddling and napping. Its a busy world for you, but every seam is bursting with love as Collin adores you, and dotes on you throughout the morning, and I use those moments to squeeze every last cuddle out of you before I head off to work.

Sigh,...work. Its true that just this week I started back to work, and while I miss you terribly while I am away, you are in good hands with your new nanny Lindsey. It makes it a bit less awful knowing that you are sleeping much of the time, and I'm not missing out on those moments as you are nestled in your crib, dreaming of the colors, sights and smells of your world.

During the afternoon you roll and play, work on sitting up and generally make everyone around you smile with your contagious happiness. You are really such an easy going and tender baby. We're incredibly blessed. By two pm or so, daddy arrives, ready to explore the world with two baby boys at his side, when you awake from your nap you usually get to join in on the fun, eating a bottle and getting to know the nuances of your dear daddy's routines.



At 4:30 or so, I make my way home, anxious to hold you as if to squeeze out every moment I've missed throughout the day. You're happy and content to observe the world from the cozy cuddle under my chin, buried against my skin. You coo, ahh and babble, sharing the story of your day and I take each and every sound in, precious pieces of conversation.

We spend the evening together happy and thankful that even in the witching hour for most babies, you are happy and content. By 7 pm you are sleepy, ready for the quiet comfort of your crib, leaving me, nearly everyday, to wonder how the day has gone by so quickly, and how you are growing up before my very eyes as I will you to slow down.

At three months you have a budding personality, you love to cuddle and watch the world from the safety of my arms, you're adorably alert and love playing with your brother. You've finally had your first taste of outside for longer than a trip to the car and you seem to really enjoy the sunshine.I day dream about spending our summer playing outdoors, enjoying a beautiful Minnesota morning.

As days continue to fly by I try to hold on to each little moment. There doesn't feel like there is enough time in the day to capture every tiny important change in your life-- but I try, incredibly hard, to pay attention to all of your accomplishments. We're on our way to 4 months and before I know it I'll be right back here on the blog, posting about all of your accomplishments.

Until then, I'm holding on to today....
So please, Owen, grow a little bit slower, take your time and enjoy the journey, it only happens once, and we're trying, desperately, to hang on to each little moment.

Love,
Mama and Daddy

Ni Fhaca Me La Fada Thu

A bit late, but better than never.
By the way, the title means "Long time no see".

One of my very favorite blessings is from Ireland:

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

The great expanse

Its true. Life is flying by. Owen's 3 months now (that post is coming next, I promise!) The tremendous transition from crying infant to personable baby. I love and hate it all at the same time.

Our life feels like we're tripping over large cracks (maybe crevasses...), barely catching our feet before being faced with yet another expansive trench, challenging us, prodding us to take that particular difficultly and extract the opportunities for growth and new beginnings.

A few short weeks ago our nearest and dearest neighbor passed away suddenly. Chick was a classic neighbor, ready with a cup of sugar, a snow blower, an extra hand to help, sincere Minnesota Nice and its difficult to reconcile losing someone you see nearly everyday. I still wake up and look over at their house waiting for him to come out and start poking around in the yard. Death is a strange phenomena that way, its nearly surreal, preventing the mind from clearly understanding or accepting the obvious.

I was traveling for work when Chick passed away, adding difficulty to a stressful situation. Chick passing away made me miss my family terribly and my heart ached to be home holding on to my little boys. There I was, plugging away in a hotel room working on a grant questioning if working is really what I should be doing right now.

At that moment things felt incredibly unfair, a life taken, two little live treasured but so far from my finger tips, and I was away from all of it, distant and unable to help. All at once I wrangled questions about faith, about life, about mortality. Death, particularly, does this to me. It forces me to face the reality of my beliefs, and challenges me to evaluate my life at **this** point in time. I remember the first time I was forced into this cycle- I was 16, and my grandfather had passed away. Standing in the church before burial I was in front of his casket and I remember thinking that if you don't believe in your faith, you have nothing. Really nothing. There is nothing beyond this body if you don't have some kind of faith. Not far from this train of thought were questions about my own faith, perseverance and belief, but most of all, if I was satisfied with my life enough to be confident that the way I had lived, the way I was in that moment was enough. Was complete.

And in this occurrence, this cycle, I've faced the very same thoughts, and finally, in my life I can say with confidence that what I have is enough. Indeed, new beginnings were on the horizon for us- as it turns out there's always a path, and I'm right where I need to be for my boys. Working (now being back full time) is transitioning into a smooth practice, and Collin and Owen are in a fantastic routine, with a new, wonderful nanny. Collin asks us to "see Lindsey" all the time- which makes my heart beam that he's so happy in the company of our nanny.
So here we are traveling into a new phase of our life. Two little boys, all smiles, easy days, easy nights, and a calm contentedness.

ahhh. Relax. Even though there have been challenges, life is amazingly sweet. I stare at the boys and see that great expanse close. We're happy, and even though sometimes life is troubling and terribly surprising, we're thankful for everyday and reminded to have faith.

Faith. Hope & Love.

Eating Crow

It's no surprise that motherhood has changed me. I'm a different person than I was 3 years ago, giving up party scenes for diaper changes, thinking about vaccinations (in a good way) rather than Carribean Vacations....I like to think that I'm much more patient now, but also much more crunchy about life choices reflecting on the boys. Its a fine line to walk you know, being me, while still being momma, and recognizing the strengths in each.

Before I had Collin I posted about all of the baby items that were ridiculously unwarranted in a parent's repertoire of "stuff". Luckily most of those items I wrote about are still ridiculous. Baby Toupees. Still a stupid idea. But there are a few things that I found myself investing in or adding to our arsenal of gizmos to make baby happy. So here I am, fessing up, eating a bit of crow.
Hello humility.

Our life continued past that post (believe it or not) and enter: the babies. (well, I call them babies, but more accurately, toddler and infant). All skills related to parenting established in any other environment besides parenting of your own children go out the window. Its true. Its almost like the Universe intended everyone to start the parenting gig with a clean slate, so it wipes our brains clean of all previously established parenting-related skills. A-la-parenting-tabula-rasa.

So, as we learned how to be parent to Collin we found ourselves looking for ways to make life easier. I've got a severe case of parenting OCD, so pretty much anything that can soothe my rational (read: over the top and ridiculous) concerns was a worthy purchase. Enter the video monitor. Whats that you say, video monitors are a bit over the top in the world of monitors? Maybe true for you, but not for us. Quite possibly its the best investment we made for the kiddos. When Collin was about 5 months old we brought home this:

Suddenly I was able to see exactly what Collin was doing as he was napping or sleeping through the night. I could hear when his noises were jut noises in the night vs when he really needed our attention. It was fantastically amazing. And so, I started mixing up my crow pie.

A year or so passed, we stuck to our guns. We could raise Collin without crazy, self-indulgent amenities. It could be done.

But then I got pregnant again, and life was about making things easier. Really, really, really much easier. Having two babies meant for the first two months our goals for the day revolved around basic needs: is everyone dressed? hooray! Is everyone fed? Yippee!! Did naps occur on time? Bonus points! That was pretty much the gist of it. Parenting is tough at first, and so you do everything you can to ease the anguish and concern that you are doing your very best to make life perfect for your kids.

And so, Owen was born in the dead of winter. We brought him home and soon after had to change a diaper. Now, to preface this occurrence you should know our house is old, it was built in the 50's and the outer walls leak like a sieve. Its no joke. So, back to the changing table. There we were changing Owen, and as with both our boys he screamed bloody murder when we took his diaper off. I grabbed a wipe and noticed it was pretty cold, attributed to being on the changing table next to the heat-leaking walls. I used it, Owen screamed horribly and I quickly wrapped him up in a warm blanket to compensate. But before the change was finished I knew we were going to need to make some changes. It was the next day that I noticed the actual ice crystals (no, that is not a misprint, we live in Minnesota for goodness sakes!) in the wipes container and on the wall by the window. It was ridiculous. Ridiculously cold that is.

So, enter the wipes warmer. I totally made fun of the wipes warmer, and don't get me wrong it doesn't solve all changing problems, Owen still hates getting his diaper changed, but at least its not actual ice on his little bum. I mean can you imagine. Go ahead and take an ice cube with you the next time you head to the loo, see what I mean. And so, I added a few more birds to my crow pie.

Our indulgences didn't end there though. Did I mention I'm an OCD mom? SEVERE OCD, folks. I'm constantly in their faces seeing if they are breathing, even Collin, who is now nearly 2, gets watched (via the video monitor) like a hawk for breathing. I know he's fine. Its just me being me. So, when the new Angelcare monitors came out I seriously considered buying one. My brain said: its a waste of money, you already have a video monitor and it won't protect against SIDS, and there is no research on it, and.... but my mommy brain said: Peace of mind. Know he is breathing without getting up. Relax a little. Don't run on empty because you are up all night making sure he's breathing.
So, mommy brain won.
We have an Angelcare monitor.

But, seriously, I LOVE this thing. It's so simple, but really does give me a TON of peace of mind. Its simply a device that goes under a mattress and senses if the baby is breathing. You calibrate it to your baby's movements and if it doesn't sense movement for 20 seconds an alarm goes off. It can detect the movement made simply by breathing. It also has a little light that blinks every time it senses movement, so every 2 seconds or it blinks. I love sitting up in my bed seeing it blinking and being able to resist going over the bassinet to see if Owen is breathing fine. That peace of mind alone is worth every little penny.

Finally, we had one last splurge (okay, maybe not last) but it completes this post at least. With two babies I knew I'd need a double stroller and I wanted it to not be 12 feet long, or 6 feet across. I also wanted to be able to use it by myself and I wanted it to do its job- no hassle strolling. Being the frugal family we are I wasn't initially interested in spending a ton of money on a stroller. There are so many models that aren't expensive, and so many better ways to spend money (or so I thought). So, while at the state fair last year we scoped out strollers (in case you are wondering the state fair is the PERFECT place to scope out strollers. They are EVERYWHERE). I saw a handful of Phil and Teds stacked stroller and liked the compact-ness and utility for a toddler and infant. And so, as our final act of swallowing a large helping of crow pie we got the Phil and Teds Vibe stroller (thanks to Drew's parents very generous Christmas gift). This was a hard purchase to make because it costs nearly $800.00 when all is said and done. Ridiculous. I know.

But this thing is nothing short of AMAZING. It walks like a dream. It has an adapter for the "bucket" infant car seat that goes on top, so right now Collin rides in the jump seat below and Owen stays in his bucket on top. Eventually they'll both ride like the picture shows. To top it off, I can set it up in like 10 seconds, and fold it down by myself. It was expensive, a bit extravagant, probably, but worth EVERY PENNY. I LOVE it.
So, its true, we will practice some humility and I'll keep my mouth shut in the future about crazy baby purchases.
Pass the whipped topping, my pie needs it.

Visits & Crazies

As our lives settle into more of a routine ( and I simultaneously prepare to juggle things again by heading back to work and hiring a nanny) we are able to not lose our footing for minor changes here and there. During the past two weeks that minor change was visitors- first a visit from Cha Cha, closely followed by a week long stay of my sister Andrea (know to Collin as Aunt Andy- said mushed together as one word and without the last Y syllable "Antand") and rounded out by a quick visit from Lori who glided in and out of Minnesota before we could say "Bemidji".

It was great to see everyone, except for now that I'm sans a pair of extra hands. This week was an adjustment getting used to doing everything alone all over again. But, the visits were well worth it as I got to catch up with my sister and she got to enjoy the boys, all to herself. As you can see, she spent lots of time chasing them around and then taking naps :)

Around here the winter is really starting to get to us, and it shows. Collin's toddler-terrible-twos (more like mischevious, crazy twos if you ask me) are here , and when he's cooped up inside all day we border on needing an intervention that looks something like running laps around the nearest track crossed with reinforcement of using the word "yes" or "okay", and rounded out with a stint of following directions. Today we were plagued with "no momma!"s such as:

Momma: Collin' do you have to go potty?

Collin looks straight into my eyes: "No momma!"

Collin proceeds to stand in the kitchen and pee his pants.

or

Momma: Collin do you want some milk with breakfast?

Collin: "No Momma!" (emphatically)

Collin: (immediately following "No Momma!") "Momma, milk, pwease. PWEASE!"

We've also gotten into a bout of "runaways", for example,

Momma: "Collin are you done going potty?" (as he's sitting on the potty)

Collin: "All done!"

Momma: "okay, lets clean up and wash hands"

Collin: "Runaway momma!" Collin proceeds to run away, streaking through the house to one of his favorite hiding spots, behind our living room couch, which happens to be located right in front of the picture window, facing the street and front yard. Go ahead, drive by, you'll get a nice view of his full moon if you wait long enough.

or

Momma: "Clean up time, Collin" ( I start to sing the clean up song)

Collin" k-ween up, k-ween up, runaway!!!" (Collin resists even picking up one toy and runs off to one of his favorite hiding places, this time between Owen's book shelf and the wall).

Yes, its true. Toddlerhood has arrived in full force. Autonomy, independence and mischief rolled into one super-high energy little boy. Combined with being caged like a small animal its making us all a little crazy.

Can I just put him outside now????

Seriously, spring, where are you?

I'm dying over here.

Not really, but you get the idea. This little boy is ALL BOY and I'm sure that Owen will be the same. But currently, Owen is my precious little cuddler, which I hope he stays, FOREVER.

P.S. I've been up since 5:30 am. How about you?

P.S.S. Owen was up at 11, 2:45 and 5 am too, so that means I was also up then, for a total of maybe 5 hours of sleep or so?This is our life. Everyday.

My eyes are burning as I write this, so I'm going to close for now.

The post that is, not my eyes, because its getting close to time for dinner, so I better whip something up.

until we meet again....