The great expanse

Its true. Life is flying by. Owen's 3 months now (that post is coming next, I promise!) The tremendous transition from crying infant to personable baby. I love and hate it all at the same time.

Our life feels like we're tripping over large cracks (maybe crevasses...), barely catching our feet before being faced with yet another expansive trench, challenging us, prodding us to take that particular difficultly and extract the opportunities for growth and new beginnings.

A few short weeks ago our nearest and dearest neighbor passed away suddenly. Chick was a classic neighbor, ready with a cup of sugar, a snow blower, an extra hand to help, sincere Minnesota Nice and its difficult to reconcile losing someone you see nearly everyday. I still wake up and look over at their house waiting for him to come out and start poking around in the yard. Death is a strange phenomena that way, its nearly surreal, preventing the mind from clearly understanding or accepting the obvious.

I was traveling for work when Chick passed away, adding difficulty to a stressful situation. Chick passing away made me miss my family terribly and my heart ached to be home holding on to my little boys. There I was, plugging away in a hotel room working on a grant questioning if working is really what I should be doing right now.

At that moment things felt incredibly unfair, a life taken, two little live treasured but so far from my finger tips, and I was away from all of it, distant and unable to help. All at once I wrangled questions about faith, about life, about mortality. Death, particularly, does this to me. It forces me to face the reality of my beliefs, and challenges me to evaluate my life at **this** point in time. I remember the first time I was forced into this cycle- I was 16, and my grandfather had passed away. Standing in the church before burial I was in front of his casket and I remember thinking that if you don't believe in your faith, you have nothing. Really nothing. There is nothing beyond this body if you don't have some kind of faith. Not far from this train of thought were questions about my own faith, perseverance and belief, but most of all, if I was satisfied with my life enough to be confident that the way I had lived, the way I was in that moment was enough. Was complete.

And in this occurrence, this cycle, I've faced the very same thoughts, and finally, in my life I can say with confidence that what I have is enough. Indeed, new beginnings were on the horizon for us- as it turns out there's always a path, and I'm right where I need to be for my boys. Working (now being back full time) is transitioning into a smooth practice, and Collin and Owen are in a fantastic routine, with a new, wonderful nanny. Collin asks us to "see Lindsey" all the time- which makes my heart beam that he's so happy in the company of our nanny.
So here we are traveling into a new phase of our life. Two little boys, all smiles, easy days, easy nights, and a calm contentedness.

ahhh. Relax. Even though there have been challenges, life is amazingly sweet. I stare at the boys and see that great expanse close. We're happy, and even though sometimes life is troubling and terribly surprising, we're thankful for everyday and reminded to have faith.

Faith. Hope & Love.