Just keep swimming

Literally. The boys are moving along at FOSS swim school. They moved up to “Littles 2” which means they have to start really learning how to swim on their own.

Its fun to watch as the push their little bodies along with sporadic kicks and un-coordinated “scoops”, they aren’t exactly swimming. More like approximating swimming, but its all about the process really. We praise the process, not just the end result.

Here’s some fun videos of their latest swimming. You can hear us cheering them on.
 
They are 3 and nearly 5. Their life is supported by praise.
 But you know, we’ve been watching them now for 7 weeks or so, and all the while there have been lessons right in front of my face that I haven’t been attending to. I too just keep swimming. I too should attend to the process and not place all my value on the end product.

Somewhere though, when we turn into adults, we lose the magic of how that all works though. We shift to an outcomes driven world. I know it well. I wasn’t seeing the trees in the forest until this week when I noticed that being present with them in those lessons offered me a lot too.

This past week, in my biggest vulnerable moment yet, I got the email that said, “thanks for applying, but your application as not selected for further review.” My gut sank as though someone had thrown a fastball right through me. I ached for a minute. I almost cried at work, which NEVER happens. I took a deep breath and closed the email. Then I opened it again. As though if I tried one more time the information in it might change. I cringed. First failure in the academic realm. Ouch. I did not think for one minute about the process. All I saw was a failed outcome. And you know, I should have. Folks keep pointing me that direction. Reminding me that I can choose to see this as a challenge or as an opportunity for growth. I’m coming out of my comfort zone and trying to embrace the later, by emphasizing the process, rather than the product. Because applying did open the door to make a strategic personal plan in my work. To find a successful path for the next five years at least. Its been almost a week now. I’ve calmed down a bit. I’ve got more of a plan in my mind—its coming together and I’ll fill the gaps in the weakest part of my portfolio. It doesn’t mean I’m not a little bit heartbroken. Sometimes I still think of myself in that faculty role.

 I didn’t even realize I wanted it that badly until I couldn’t have it. But I’m trying to remember that making changes in my career to align with my own long term goals and attending to the process rather than the product is important.

I thought initially that this application would be an experiment in vulnerability. But I also thought it was a container. If I got the position the vulnerability would be over, if I didn’t I also thought the vulnerability would be over once I got over it. But the thing is I was wrong, because this is just the beginning of vulnerability because having the career I want means taking risks. That already sounds uncomfortable just writing it, but its true. Soft-funding is that way, and right now, it’s the path I choose to stay on.

So, learning from my beautiful boys, I’m just going to keep swimming. To work to get stronger in my strokes to my goal, just as they’ll become real and proficient swimmers and if all works out, maybe someday in the future we’ll get to spend some time floating.