The grass is always greener…..

When you’re paying attention to someone else’s kid.

Did I just say that? I admit defeat. Parents compare, folks. We do it. As much as we want to lie our face off and say we don’t or won’t, we still do. We do it and three seconds later tell ourselves not to. We do it and then compensate by finding strengths in our own kids. But, nevertheless, we do it.

So this post is sort of a post in hindsight. Because when Collin was 3 heading into 4 I did it all the time. Mostly because I felt like I could not get ahead of him.  Every other day I felt like he was intentionally pushing my buttons and on those odd days, I was staring fondly at the other kids in his class wondering why he couldn’t just quit doing the stuff I didn’t like and start doing the things the other kids were doing. You know, like writing their names well or responding to parent requests before, say the 5^th request.

Now, as I mentioned, we are out of this phase. It was a phase. I almost laughed typing that last paragraph because I had to re-convince myself he did those things to me. I had to look at my parenting notes (journal of frustrations and success?). It already seems like it was EONS ago. Parenting is like that. When you are in the phase it feels like FOREVER. When you’re out you barely remember it. Call it parent amnesia or something.

But I tell you, in those moments, I thought : 3 is really F*#&ing difficult.  Smart enough to understand, but little enough to miss the consistent and important message. Clever enough to feel like they are manipulating their worlds around them (i.e. ME). Exhausting and anxiety-provoking. For every time my child didn’t listen I thought: does he have attention issues? For every time he could not seem to keep his backside in time out I thought: does he have behavior issues?

Alas, he has neither. It was just a phase.

So, why am I writing about this? Why does it matter now; if its over. Well, its because we just wandered into 3 with Owen. Because sometimes we need reminders of the lesson’s we’ve learned in parenting before diving back in the deep end. Because sometimes a little venting and storytelling is also a little pep-talk.

Owen’s about 5 proverbial minutes into 3 and already there is a new air to his assertiveness. This time though, I’m breathing through it. For once, I’m actually not concerned, and even though as hard as I try to not compare them (but still do on occasion), I briefly consider the comparison and let it go.

Its fun to see them grow side by side, especially to encounter how they are incredibly similar, but so very different, and so, I’m trying desperately to give Owen a little more grace and let him show me his own way as we travel through the minefield that is 3. I'm sure he'll get me safely to the other side.