10 months old today

Today is the day you turned 10 months old. A crisp fall day, bordering on winter, with a cold hard frost gracing the windows as I approached the outside world. You awoke this morning, stuffy and snotty, barely breathing through your little nose, as you battle your first little cold, craddled in your daddy's arms. Last night you flittered between drowsy, asleep, and downright alert between the wee hours of 3 and 5 am. Because your little nose was so stuffed you struggled to find the comfort of sleep and the only resolve ended up being the comfort of daddy's arms. After getting a few momentary dreams while you finally slept soundly, I came to you at 8 in the morning, unusually late for your morning start, and relieved daddy so he could get ready for the challenge of the morning: jury duty.

You smiled your sweet little smile, snuggled into my arms and wandered between sleep and awake before settling on rising to the occassion and morning sunshine. The crisp morning lended bright and vibrant beams, streaming through your windows like ribbons from a maypole, dancing around the room. And, so our day began.

That little toothy grin, even when you feel downright uncomfortable, is sometimes more than I can bear, because even when you are feeling awful, you bring such an amazing array of happiness to our lives. In the mornings, when you share your bit of radiance, you're still confined to your sleep sack, it being so very cold here now, so you can't get very far without getting all tangled up. I put you on the floor to roll and turn until breakfast, a few minutes in the making.

You're nearly eating all "real" food now, and its fantastic to see you independently navigate your breakfast. Pieces of fruit, cream of wheat, apple sauce and yogurt. You anxiously shovel the small pieces on your tray into your mouth, and yell in frustration at those who slip between your fingers.  As you finish breakfast and your tray becomes more and more empty you become more an more vocal about your dislike of the high chair. I'm lucky that the high chair contains you, because its the only way I am able to reach your cheeks with a washcloth. When you are away from the highchair you weave away from it as though your skin will erupt in hives if it meerly touches you. I'd be a bit heartbroken for you about it if it wasn't so absolutely ridiculous. Before your last yelp, the process is over and you quickly revert to being my happy baby, with a few bits of breakfast plastered along your pajamas.

Getting dressed has become more precarious as you are your father's son anticipating danger, pursuing it and treating my looks of anxiety like a challenge. You cling to the side of your changing table and threaten to roll off while I hang on to your ankles and try to wrangle you into a clean diaper. You writhe about, making it take twice as long as it should, but quite the adventure for you, as you giggle with delight. To tame your efforts I often give you a toy or book to look at, or play peek-a-boo with a burp cloth. For every time you anticipate being able to peek out from under the burpcloth your brim with excitement kicking and waving your arms like you are signaling an airplane. You will be a fantastic swimmer one day, the way you work your arms and legs toward an invisible finish line.

A dressed and adorable baby, it only takes a few moments before the first string of drool escapes your mouth and you've got a wet shirt, narrated by your babbles as you tell the story of how to break teeth through your gums. You still haven't been successful yet--just two on the bottom and none on top yet, but you sure are consistently soaked and always trying to aid your teeth in breaking through by biting on all things great and small.

When I put you on the floor, you are off, directly toward your brother. You're so small, yet its so aparent that you love him so much, and in a way that is different from your love and excitement for us, as parents. Seeing the little light in your eyes when he greets you and when he trys desperately hard to entertain you, or pull you through fits of reistance, is incredibly endearing and heartwarming, from both perpectives. I love to watch you admire him from a far and then suddenly realize you can become part of the moment, and quickly crawl toward whatever he is doing with the toy of the moment. These little interactions are beginning to form the opportunity for future tussles over who gets to play with what toy, and I can see them happening before my very eyes, but for now, I'm just enjoying the way you interact and enjoy each other's company. There isn't a day that goes by that I have to tell Collin he's given you enough hugs for the day and that you don't like to be hugged so much so that it restricts your movement. I hope that when he is older he reflects on the way he doted on you and adored you as a baby, its an amazing bond.

Your nap times have become more of a wandering experiment in exploring the enviornment as I simultaneously try to force you to close your eyes and sleep. I hold you tight, forcefully tight to my body, because without this bear hug, you spread out, reach above your head and wave your fingers about as though they are tentacles feeling for bits of new experience. I try to hold you in and bounce you into a window for sleep, but you hum and haw until your body finally agrees its time to sleep. These days I often have to cover your face with a light blanket because you'll crane back your head and examine every part of your room as though you've never seen it before. Its like a little light turned on in your brain and you're suddenly noticing everything. Which is okay, because we know you're working overtime to learn all about the world, but at the same time, I really want you to take a nap, so we go back and forth until you give in for an hour and a half or so of sweet dreams.

After nap, you rise and shine with the happiest of grins, ready and anxious to take on the next challenge of our day. Playing seems to make your soul shine and you spend so much time scaling toys as I hang on to your little legs. You're becoming more and more brave, leaning on your learning table and precariously turning around, balancing for the briefest of moments all by yourself. You love to chew on your pops and snaps, nibble on books, and explore more everyday all through the avenues accessible to your little and drool filled mouth. Today you go through three outfits just because they have become so soaked with drool that they've turned ice cold.

Lunch and naptime are reflections of the earlier portion of the day, today chewing along on homemade chicken noodle soup, yogurt and cheese bit,  but now each effort encounters a bit more resistance, because as the day goes on, your curiosity grows exponentially. You can't get enough of this world, and we truly can't get enough of watching you enjoy and absorb so much. Today you're nursing around every 4 to 4.5 hours and I've been thinking a lot lately about cutting back a feeding, becuase now, at 10 months we are getting dangerously close to the end of this journey. I know that if we don't start the process now, taking nursing away cold turkey will make for some long evenings, so I imagine in the near future, you'll protest the fewer feedings. While I love nursing and the bond that is part of that relationship, but I'm also very anxious to be freed of carrying around the black Medela bag that has become my third appendage.

So, the day continues on, another nap, a greeting from daddy as he returns from jury duty, and toward the end of the afternoon a special visit from your new nanny, Ariel, who will join the ranks of our family in the coming weeks. When you met her for the first time, I saw a bit of anxiousness, which is both heartbreaking and exciting at the same time. Heartbreaking because it makes me ache to think that you will be a little bit scared and anxious as I leave you with a new person for the first time, and exciting to see another developmental milestone occur, with attachment taking the front row seat in your life, and you're behavior letting us know that we're being a secure base from which to explore.

Before long, we're at the dinner table, and you're enjoying beef pilaf while the rest of our family eats a mishmash of weekly leftovers- quiche, dinner salads, soups such, cleaning up the last of the refridgerator remnants before another effort to fill the shelves begins again. We would have liked to share the quiche, but given the potential egg allergy problems that can challenge infants, we thought tonight would be better off as a babyfood evening, and so you get the final taste of the few stage 3 jars left in our house.

Once you're settled in your pajamas and sleep sack, a set of socks on your hands for mittens because its been so very cold as of late, we nestle into the rocking chair to nurse and read night time stories. We always end with the Going to Bed Book and every night it amazes me to watch you search the pages and contentedly stare at each character with such concentration. Each night this feels like a little glimpse into your brain, as I watch your eyes dart around the pages and see you absorb the words and story that transpires as we turn the pages.

And then, as quickly as it began, the end of the day is here, the lights are down low, and its time to close up shop and visit your sweetest of dreams. I wonder what you dream about, what could a 10 month old possibly have running through their mind each evening, and I hope and pray they are happy thoughts for bring tomorrows, hugs and kisses from mommy and daddy and Collin and excitement for another beautiful day in our family. As you drift off, I take a deep, genuine exhale and prepare myself for the last leg of my day- clean up and closing loops with bills, blogs, dishes, cleaning etc. At these moments, as I put you down in your crib, softly sleeping, I can't help but think that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be in this life, that some force, bigger than me, has aligned the stars to allow me to be the momma to these amazing little boys, and every day I am incredibly thankful.

Thank you Owen, for being so sweet, amazing, happy and content.
You make our lives a blessing, and we can't wait to see what 11 months brings our way.
all our love
Momma and Daddy