Its father's day making it Drew's first encounter with this new and fantastic holiday. it also happens to be the day that Collin turns one month. I don't think that it really feels very 'father's day' like for Drew quite yet because we are still so new at this parenting thing so today has been pretty lazy and un-celebratory-like, but Drew doesn't seem to have any special desires so we are just enjoying the day.
To put the whole parenting thing in perspective I probably should tell the whole story of how we got where we are today.
So, when I met Drew I knew that I wanted kids. It was a deal breaker for me and so, when we met and we were finding out about each other I asked him if he wanted kids. He was indifferent. He explained that he always happened to see those kids that are absolute terrors in public and just couldn't fathom having something like that of his own. This was a big deal for me, as I wanted children and even being with someone who was indifferent, rather than completely on board with the kids thing, was questionable. I thoroughly wanted to be with someone who had the same desire to be a parent, not just someone who would weather through it if their spouse wanted to. I became you're run-of-the-mill overzealous interrogator. I asked question after question about why he didn't know if he wanted kids about what he could see himself doing as a dad, all sorts of angles on parenting. As we continued our date I seriously questioned if I would see this guy again, but as the evening wore on, and we found ourselves talking until the wee hours of the morning I made the leap of faith to see Drew again and worry about the babies thing along the way.
Well, needless to say our relationship continued, but I never dropped the children thing. He knew that marrying me meant wanting children, not just being okay with it. It was a transition he had to make, and I assume when he finally got there that was the point it became okay to get married. Along the way I got to see more of Drew's habits and rituals, his mindfulness and patience and it occurred to me how great a dad he would be...
So, when we got married we talked about having kids, how many (with a compromise settling at 4) and Drew's concerns about parenting had shifted from 'kids are bratty' to 'can we afford that many kids?'. This made me smile. Drew had come around to wanting kids and now he was more concerned about providing for them. I knew this battle would be an easy one. I was more than willing to be poor if it meant having kids. Money was the last thing on my mind as I firmly believe a family can be fulfilled by those who are in it, rather than the possessions it has.
When we found out we were pregnant we were both very happy, but I still wondered about Drew's apprehensions about parenting- more specifically about his own lack of confidence in his parenting skills. I think he knew how much experience I had with kids and figured he wouldn't have as many skills. We learned a lot together through the pregnancy and read lots, leaving us at least partially prepared for Collin's birth.
So he arrived. And, believe it or not, Drew was a natural. He's a great dad. He said a couple weeks before the birth that he'd only changed a handful of diapers his whole life, but as soon as Collin was here to took right to it. I don't think I changed a diaper the first whole two days. At home, he's mastered the art of cloth diapering and never has complained about changing a diaper. He's taken on the parenting role with grace and always makes sure to help when he's not with Collin. I can't imagine going through this first month without his support and he has went above and beyond the call of duty to learn about parenting and development during the first year.
So, upon looking back, its almost funny to think that Drew was ever apprehensive about this parenting thing. He's so good at it that it makes me wonder how he didn't know he had it in him to be a fantastic dad. But here he is, making his way in the world with Collin in one arm and Samson's leash on the other....
So while Collin isn't big enough to recognize how great he has it, I bet if he were able to talk this is what I think he would say to his dad:
Dear daddy,
So far you've made quite an impact on my life. I've heard your voice for the whole nine months when I was in mommy's belly, and now its so soothing to me. It was so fun to finally meet you a month ago today. Besides mom, you are my favorite person (and she's really only my favorite because she's the keeper of the milk). You can make me happy and calm when I am screaming, which makes me feel good. I love to suck on your pinky finger and how your chest vibrates when you hum Swing Low, Sweet Chariot to me. I love when you hold me in front of the fan, sprawled out from your elbow to your hand. I still fit from your fingers to your elbow, which won't last long because I grow so fast, but I love it while it will last. I love when I get to fall asleep on you and how you read me stories, especially the one about Daddys. I love that you take me for walks in my stroller and that sometimes we bring my puppy Samson. I love that you take care of me in the middle of the night so that I get a midnight snack. I love that you are so quick with my diaper changes that I only cry a little bit because I hate getting them changed so much. I love that I get to have you as a dad because as I grow I know that you'll do your very best to make sure I am safe, happy and loved.
I love you whole bunches,
Collin
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