Eating Crow

It's no surprise that motherhood has changed me. I'm a different person than I was 3 years ago, giving up party scenes for diaper changes, thinking about vaccinations (in a good way) rather than Carribean Vacations....I like to think that I'm much more patient now, but also much more crunchy about life choices reflecting on the boys. Its a fine line to walk you know, being me, while still being momma, and recognizing the strengths in each.

Before I had Collin I posted about all of the baby items that were ridiculously unwarranted in a parent's repertoire of "stuff". Luckily most of those items I wrote about are still ridiculous. Baby Toupees. Still a stupid idea. But there are a few things that I found myself investing in or adding to our arsenal of gizmos to make baby happy. So here I am, fessing up, eating a bit of crow.
Hello humility.

Our life continued past that post (believe it or not) and enter: the babies. (well, I call them babies, but more accurately, toddler and infant). All skills related to parenting established in any other environment besides parenting of your own children go out the window. Its true. Its almost like the Universe intended everyone to start the parenting gig with a clean slate, so it wipes our brains clean of all previously established parenting-related skills. A-la-parenting-tabula-rasa.

So, as we learned how to be parent to Collin we found ourselves looking for ways to make life easier. I've got a severe case of parenting OCD, so pretty much anything that can soothe my rational (read: over the top and ridiculous) concerns was a worthy purchase. Enter the video monitor. Whats that you say, video monitors are a bit over the top in the world of monitors? Maybe true for you, but not for us. Quite possibly its the best investment we made for the kiddos. When Collin was about 5 months old we brought home this:

Suddenly I was able to see exactly what Collin was doing as he was napping or sleeping through the night. I could hear when his noises were jut noises in the night vs when he really needed our attention. It was fantastically amazing. And so, I started mixing up my crow pie.

A year or so passed, we stuck to our guns. We could raise Collin without crazy, self-indulgent amenities. It could be done.

But then I got pregnant again, and life was about making things easier. Really, really, really much easier. Having two babies meant for the first two months our goals for the day revolved around basic needs: is everyone dressed? hooray! Is everyone fed? Yippee!! Did naps occur on time? Bonus points! That was pretty much the gist of it. Parenting is tough at first, and so you do everything you can to ease the anguish and concern that you are doing your very best to make life perfect for your kids.

And so, Owen was born in the dead of winter. We brought him home and soon after had to change a diaper. Now, to preface this occurrence you should know our house is old, it was built in the 50's and the outer walls leak like a sieve. Its no joke. So, back to the changing table. There we were changing Owen, and as with both our boys he screamed bloody murder when we took his diaper off. I grabbed a wipe and noticed it was pretty cold, attributed to being on the changing table next to the heat-leaking walls. I used it, Owen screamed horribly and I quickly wrapped him up in a warm blanket to compensate. But before the change was finished I knew we were going to need to make some changes. It was the next day that I noticed the actual ice crystals (no, that is not a misprint, we live in Minnesota for goodness sakes!) in the wipes container and on the wall by the window. It was ridiculous. Ridiculously cold that is.

So, enter the wipes warmer. I totally made fun of the wipes warmer, and don't get me wrong it doesn't solve all changing problems, Owen still hates getting his diaper changed, but at least its not actual ice on his little bum. I mean can you imagine. Go ahead and take an ice cube with you the next time you head to the loo, see what I mean. And so, I added a few more birds to my crow pie.

Our indulgences didn't end there though. Did I mention I'm an OCD mom? SEVERE OCD, folks. I'm constantly in their faces seeing if they are breathing, even Collin, who is now nearly 2, gets watched (via the video monitor) like a hawk for breathing. I know he's fine. Its just me being me. So, when the new Angelcare monitors came out I seriously considered buying one. My brain said: its a waste of money, you already have a video monitor and it won't protect against SIDS, and there is no research on it, and.... but my mommy brain said: Peace of mind. Know he is breathing without getting up. Relax a little. Don't run on empty because you are up all night making sure he's breathing.
So, mommy brain won.
We have an Angelcare monitor.

But, seriously, I LOVE this thing. It's so simple, but really does give me a TON of peace of mind. Its simply a device that goes under a mattress and senses if the baby is breathing. You calibrate it to your baby's movements and if it doesn't sense movement for 20 seconds an alarm goes off. It can detect the movement made simply by breathing. It also has a little light that blinks every time it senses movement, so every 2 seconds or it blinks. I love sitting up in my bed seeing it blinking and being able to resist going over the bassinet to see if Owen is breathing fine. That peace of mind alone is worth every little penny.

Finally, we had one last splurge (okay, maybe not last) but it completes this post at least. With two babies I knew I'd need a double stroller and I wanted it to not be 12 feet long, or 6 feet across. I also wanted to be able to use it by myself and I wanted it to do its job- no hassle strolling. Being the frugal family we are I wasn't initially interested in spending a ton of money on a stroller. There are so many models that aren't expensive, and so many better ways to spend money (or so I thought). So, while at the state fair last year we scoped out strollers (in case you are wondering the state fair is the PERFECT place to scope out strollers. They are EVERYWHERE). I saw a handful of Phil and Teds stacked stroller and liked the compact-ness and utility for a toddler and infant. And so, as our final act of swallowing a large helping of crow pie we got the Phil and Teds Vibe stroller (thanks to Drew's parents very generous Christmas gift). This was a hard purchase to make because it costs nearly $800.00 when all is said and done. Ridiculous. I know.

But this thing is nothing short of AMAZING. It walks like a dream. It has an adapter for the "bucket" infant car seat that goes on top, so right now Collin rides in the jump seat below and Owen stays in his bucket on top. Eventually they'll both ride like the picture shows. To top it off, I can set it up in like 10 seconds, and fold it down by myself. It was expensive, a bit extravagant, probably, but worth EVERY PENNY. I LOVE it.
So, its true, we will practice some humility and I'll keep my mouth shut in the future about crazy baby purchases.
Pass the whipped topping, my pie needs it.

Visits & Crazies

As our lives settle into more of a routine ( and I simultaneously prepare to juggle things again by heading back to work and hiring a nanny) we are able to not lose our footing for minor changes here and there. During the past two weeks that minor change was visitors- first a visit from Cha Cha, closely followed by a week long stay of my sister Andrea (know to Collin as Aunt Andy- said mushed together as one word and without the last Y syllable "Antand") and rounded out by a quick visit from Lori who glided in and out of Minnesota before we could say "Bemidji".

It was great to see everyone, except for now that I'm sans a pair of extra hands. This week was an adjustment getting used to doing everything alone all over again. But, the visits were well worth it as I got to catch up with my sister and she got to enjoy the boys, all to herself. As you can see, she spent lots of time chasing them around and then taking naps :)

Around here the winter is really starting to get to us, and it shows. Collin's toddler-terrible-twos (more like mischevious, crazy twos if you ask me) are here , and when he's cooped up inside all day we border on needing an intervention that looks something like running laps around the nearest track crossed with reinforcement of using the word "yes" or "okay", and rounded out with a stint of following directions. Today we were plagued with "no momma!"s such as:

Momma: Collin' do you have to go potty?

Collin looks straight into my eyes: "No momma!"

Collin proceeds to stand in the kitchen and pee his pants.

or

Momma: Collin do you want some milk with breakfast?

Collin: "No Momma!" (emphatically)

Collin: (immediately following "No Momma!") "Momma, milk, pwease. PWEASE!"

We've also gotten into a bout of "runaways", for example,

Momma: "Collin are you done going potty?" (as he's sitting on the potty)

Collin: "All done!"

Momma: "okay, lets clean up and wash hands"

Collin: "Runaway momma!" Collin proceeds to run away, streaking through the house to one of his favorite hiding spots, behind our living room couch, which happens to be located right in front of the picture window, facing the street and front yard. Go ahead, drive by, you'll get a nice view of his full moon if you wait long enough.

or

Momma: "Clean up time, Collin" ( I start to sing the clean up song)

Collin" k-ween up, k-ween up, runaway!!!" (Collin resists even picking up one toy and runs off to one of his favorite hiding places, this time between Owen's book shelf and the wall).

Yes, its true. Toddlerhood has arrived in full force. Autonomy, independence and mischief rolled into one super-high energy little boy. Combined with being caged like a small animal its making us all a little crazy.

Can I just put him outside now????

Seriously, spring, where are you?

I'm dying over here.

Not really, but you get the idea. This little boy is ALL BOY and I'm sure that Owen will be the same. But currently, Owen is my precious little cuddler, which I hope he stays, FOREVER.

P.S. I've been up since 5:30 am. How about you?

P.S.S. Owen was up at 11, 2:45 and 5 am too, so that means I was also up then, for a total of maybe 5 hours of sleep or so?This is our life. Everyday.

My eyes are burning as I write this, so I'm going to close for now.

The post that is, not my eyes, because its getting close to time for dinner, so I better whip something up.

until we meet again....

Two Months!

I can barely believe Owen is two months old. Time goes by so quickly with two boys in the house, everyday seems to slip through my finger-tips sometimes it feels as though I'm missing out on so many opportunities. I didn't get to read that book to Collin, or spend enough time with Owen on his tummy, or write down the latest and greatest accomplishments in baby books, or fold that laundry, or call the insurance agency...and the list goes on. Yet, the moments that I am here, present in their lives, I savor. Just being with them is more than fulfilling, so even though I'm struggling to keep up with my own ideas about good parenting, I know in my heart that these boys are happy, and ultimately that's all that matters.


Owen is such a happy baby, filling our days with naps and smiles, naps and smiles, naps and smiles. I love that I can hold him throughout the day and cuddle him to me, because in just a few short weeks I'll be sharing him with a new nanny, and my heart will break just a little because I won't be able to hold him for so much everyday. Its so difficult to convince myself to put him down because I want to hold on to every moment that I have with him as a precious tiny baby.
Owen is incredibly easy to care for, he sleeps easily in our arms, or the car seat, or the swing -- pretty much anywhere except for his crib. This means he does well with all of our daily trips to playscapes, the Children's museum, the library etc. so we continue to play hard in the mornings so that naptime is lengthy and restful in the afternoon.

Owen's eating 4 ounces a feeding or so, and growing quickly. At his two month appointment he was 9' 13", so he's grown quite a bit from his original 6'8". He's moved out of newborn clothes and is no stretching out in 0 to 3 month clothes, but still doesn't quite sleep through the night. Some nights he goes from about 10 pm to 5 am, and others he still needs to eat every three hours. Its hit or miss, but I'm not too worried about it, as because time is flying so quickly it doesn't feel as though I've been missing sleep for that long, even though its been over two months. (maybe that's the sheer exhaustion talking? :)

Being a parent is such an amazing experience, and this time around I'm trying to relish every tiny change. Its nothing short of amazing to watch him grow. Its amazing to see the miracles of development from a tiny helpless infant into such an adorable personality. As he interacts with Collin, greets us in the morning with his first smiles, and tracks toys, hears books and observes life from the moby wrap or bjorn, I try to capture it all, and intentionally remember each moment I can.

I also don't worry as nearly as much as I did with Collin. I just enjoy it. They grow so fast that I don't want to spend my time perseverating on developmental milestones. I spend more time playing and less time worrying about when he is going to sit up, and in all honesty, it feels good to be a bit more relaxed. Don't get me wrong, I'm probably still a bit more OCD in my parenting than 90% of the rest of the world because of my research and what I do, but I'm making progress :)

If I've learned anything having Owen, its that life is really all about family. Its been a struggle to figure out how to juggle two boys under two, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Our lives seem especially fulfilled, as we are so lucky to have Owen. It doesn't get much better than this.

To hold you over...

So, I'm a day or two behind on Owen's two month post. Its coming, so don't worry! For all the crazy family members who are anxiously awaiting (and asking via email, facebook, phone calls and snail mail for more photos!) just watch this little video for a bit to get your fill. I promise to get up the post in the next day or two for Owen's 2 month birthday!

Training Days...

These days we're doing all sorts of training in our house. The first variety was sleep training during nap. This was such a fiasco when we started it. If you are curious about how it was going, go back a month or so on the blog and read about the terrible mom I was as I tried to ferberized Collin during nap time. It didn't work, and instead I turned my adorable toddler into an anxious and sad little boy during naptime. It was awful. On the day I decided to curse Ferber and give it up forever the following happened: just as we were about to go into Collin's room to get ready for naptime, before I had even sat down to read a story, he clung to me and started crying. He had gotten so worked up about naptime that just entering his room during that time caused him tremendous anxiety. It was awful. That day I decide to forget the Ferber "cry it out" method, even if it meant wrangling two babies at once until Drew got home. I couldn't handle making Collin so sad. Imagine this face, stained with tears yelling through his sobs: Momma! No, Momma! Rock momma, please rock momma! It was HEART WRENCHING.

That night, I turned to our tried and true guide for sleep training- Kim West's Good Night Sleep Tight. We used her "sleep lady shuffle" with Collin when he 6 months old or so. I didn't think it would work for naptime because it requires that you slowly move out of the room and I worried that having Owen with me, his crying (or potential to cry) would keep Collin awake. But here we were, struggling to figure out how to get Collin to nap on his own, at our wits ends, so I was willing to try anything. I should have just used what worked from the beginning and avoided the whole "worst mom in the world" fiasco.

The sleep lady shuffle worked like a charm. Not one tear. Not one rebellious effort. He was reassured that I was close by and willing to go to sleep, making for an easy nap time after a week and a half of "shuffling". Live and learn, I guess. I should have just listened to my gut to begin with and stayed clear of the crying game...er, Ferber method. Stupid Ferber.

At the same time Collin decided it was time to be potty-trained. Which really is such a surprise to us, but, whatever. We're running with it. Its difficult to be potty training with an infant because I spend the whole day dealing with someone's poop or pee, either in the bathroom or on the changing table, but we're making good progress. Today we tried out the "big boy undies" which Collin loves because they have Thomas the Train on them. I'm hoping that wearing them around the house helps him figure out how to tell us he has to go. We'll see where we are in a few weeks...


So, while we are on the topic of training, does anyone have any tips on how to train your dog not to bark? Because that's about the only type of training we aren't doing right now, and its not because we don't want to, its because we think our dog is hopeless :)

If nothing else, all this training has reminded me how much children need our patience. Time and again I had to take a step back and just laugh at the pee/poop/toilet paper/wipes all over the bathroom floor/potty/Collin's pants and remind myself that all in good time....

Happy Valentine's Day

This year, being that we are in the midst of organized chaos, we decided not to do much for Valentine's day besides exchange cards. I barely had time to get dressed on Valentine's day, let alone figure out how to get a sitter, get ready to go out and keep everybody under 2 happy. It was a bit too much. Nevertheless, we did have two exceptionally adorable valentines in our house: one heartbreaker,
and another sweet pea,

both have stolen my heart and taught me that I have more love to give than I ever thought possible. So happy Valentine's Day.
For the dreamers,
the lovers,
and well, Me. Because I believe in the happiness this holiday brings :)

In Our World....

Owen is 6 weeks old now, and we're settling into our life together. Getting here has been quite a journey, but I'm glad we've finally arrived. Owen is finally starting to "wake up", spending his time looking around, observing our world and interacting with his doting brother, Collin.Owen still doesn't have a real schedule yet, but he's sleeping longer at night, from about 10 pm to 3:30 am, creeping toward the coveted 8 hour stretch (but still oh, so far away), and he's becoming much more aware of our daily comings and goings. He has an adorable smile, which we've seen since he was just a week old, but now it is clearly social. he's also started to "coo" and chatter, and is quickly learning how to hold up his little head and track toys as Collin shows them to him.We continue to try to figure out the whole co-sleeping thing, but now I'm at least confident once he sleeps through he'll be in his bassinet, so I'm a bit more relaxed about it. As it turns out though, Owen does great in the co-sleeper bassinet that goes in our bed-- it continues to be my own problem in that I frequently fall asleep when he wakes up to eat at 3:30 am and don't put him back in the co-sleeper. Its true, I'm a lazy parent.

We're starting to be more consistent about tummy time, even though he doesn't seem to need it much, as Owen is quite the mover and shaker. He cranes his little neck and kicks out his legs often, as though he knows he'll need to use them to support his weight. A little early practice I suppose. He moves around the bassinet often and when I get him out sometimes I'm amazed how far he's moved without being able to roll or crawl.

Owen continues to be a good eater, I'm sure he's gained a considerable amount of weight, we'll be able to find out exactly how much at his two month appointment in just a few weeks. However, we do wonder if Owen has reflux, he often coughs, has wet hiccups, spits up a ton and has trouble burping and passing gas, but he doesn't have the hallmark of reflux, crying or pain while eating. Instead, he's quite a happy baby-- who spits up.Our daily lives have reached a comfortable ebb and flow. Sadly, it seems I have to get up at 6:15 a.m. to get ahead of the boys, and between potty training (yes, we really are potty training) and changing and feeding Owen its a struggle to get out of the house by 9 am, but we try. With the winter bearing down on us, I try to get Collin out of the house almost every day to keep my sanity. Being cooped up in our house makes for a bit of the crazies....

It seems like Owen is growing faster that I can keep up with, maybe because our days go by so fast. I feel like I barely get a chance to eat lunch, let alone slow down and enjoy the boys in a way that is slow and steady, instead its toddler nuttiness and Owen and I trying to keep up with the pace. I definitely have considerable guilt that I don't spend as much one on one time with Owen as I'd like to, just as a function of how our lives work. I was a bit of a closet guiltress, but then I learned its an epidemic. Turns out there is a whole "syndrome" of second child guilt. There are chat rooms, Mom's club groups, probably even a support network. So I don't feel as terribly awful because its the unknown secret about having two kids under two. You just can't attend to them both all the time. There is no way around it, someone doesn't get all the attention, and I constantly feel conflicted that its Owen more than Collin because Collin has the ability to whine and make verbal requests. While Owen's cries are quickly soothed as soon as I pick him up. I feel like Owen is saying: "HELLO! Pay attention! I'm awake and need some time to play too!"

Meanwhile, our house is a mess. I've resigned to the fact that it won't be clean again for awhile. A friend posted this quote, and I think it fits perfectly with our life:

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.
- Ruth Hulbert Hamilton

But we'd don't mind so much, as I have two amazing boys to play with. As Owen gets older we get better at the day to day, but its also bittersweet because it means I'm getting closer and closer to having to head back to work.