Owen's first day of Kindergarten

Second children provide you with an opportunity to live out every parenting lesson you’ve learned, and to foresee every milestone from a different lens. You don’t wander around in the dark, feeling your way through what comes next. Instead you stride confidently and come prepared. Wipes, smile, backpack….gulp.

Owen’s first day of Kindergarten was amazing. He was soo soo soo ready for K. He’d asked to go for nearly a year before the first day and he had tools to be successful like nobody’s business: knows how to read (check), social butterfly (giant check), knows the school (check), knows the teacher (check), academically strong (check), behaviorally mellow (tiny check). So, why then, on the day of, did I feel my heart squeeze so tightly and my mind raced to think, and be certain that everything would be okay?

I knew he would be fine. But no matter how much I knew, or how prepared I was. Kindergarten is a bridge, one that marks the end of one of my most important jobs as a momma- growing a tiny human into someone who is ready to independently interact with the world.

And so, we took a deep breath and walked right into EDW for the very first day of Kindergarten. Owen was excited and anxious to get started. He waited in the foyer 10 minutes before time to leave with his backpack on, he felt confident in his new shoes with his first day sign and when we arrived at school he happily waved to Collin and took off down to Kindergarten. He had no trouble saying goodbye and left me with nothing but a big smile. He was ready.

Which means, we had to be too. Except, I’m not sure that I was. Parenting Owen is an adventure. That boy loves with his whole being, he shares so much joy and happiness that his teachers always comment on how joyful he is in class. With his happiness, comes equally intense frustrations too- he doesn’t like to be slighted, and when he feels that way, he struggles to manage his emotions. This really though, only shows up at home. At school his teachers report he has excellent emotion regulation. We get to see the bright spots in his fierce heart that no one else does- we get to see both sides of his passion. With that intensity, its been a challenge to find out how to fit his puzzle together. Some days I think I am totally doing it wrong. But other days I see so much of that pure unadultered joy, that I can’t help but feel enveloped by the love he shares with others, and hope that some of it has to do with how we’ve raised him.

Along the way he’s used some of his effort to learn academics- from the outside it looks like academic content- math and reading especially are not very hard for him at all. He seems to just pick it up. At the beginning of K he’s a great reader and can do a decent amount of math. He’s able to write well, and likes to color and draw. He collects facts like they are going out of style and really shines by being a fantastic friend. He loves to be social and other kids notice- whenever I see him with peers he’s a center of attention. This all seems to come so effortlessly to him, its amazing to watch.  I’m proud of him.

But, what I’m proud of him the most is for where he has to work for it. The things that don’t come so easy. At home when he does have those few fleeting moments where he tries to mind his temper, or when he is able to slow himself enough to try words instead of fists with his brother. Those are the moments that make me very proud.

Tonight, as always, he said, “I love you mom”. I never get tired of hearing that. When those words come out of his mouth the things I think of are how generous his heart is, that even after I’ve scolded him, likely repeatedly, he’s forgiven my anger and turned back to affection. I also think that we must be doing something right, that he ends his day with appreciation for others and not resolved to keep his irritations at the forefront of his thinking. He’s magical like that.

On this first day of Kindergarten, its me who’s not so ready. I don’t feel like I have my finger on parenting him just yet, and he’s teaching me new things everyday. I’m so grateful for what he’s brought into our lives and all the ways he’s changed who I am so that I can be a better momma to him, his brother and his new sister. This makes me feel hesitant to let him go. To see him walk into the wild-blue-yonder without knowing just how it will go because I just yet can’t be certain how to create success for him.

But the thing is, with our without me, he IS ready. His big smile, his enthusiasm, his giant heart all tell me its going to be okay. Kindergarten will be wonderful and he’ll do great.

I watch him walk to his desk and I wonder who he will befriend first, and how he’ll manage the day to day of learning new things. I watch him think over his lunch choices and follow his teacher’s prompts. But mostly, I watch him want to connect and say goodbye to me with a deep hug and confident smile, his bright and joyful eyes saying I can’t wait. And then I go. I say have a great day, I love you. I say see you tonight. I give hugs, and I remind myself that I don’t have to be ready just yet. There’s so much more to learn and so much more to see through his eyes. Kindergarten will teach us both new things I am sure.

This year I hope for Owen that he pushes himself further to learn new things. That he learns how to expand his ability to be empathetic and honest. That he tries everything that seems like a challenge but has a positive outcome beyond the hurdle and that he makes friends that will be with him for the rest of his life.

Kindergarten marks the beginning of something wonderful, and I can’t wait to see what it brings into our lives, with you, my confident, caring and passionate Owen, at the helm of this adventure.