Collin's 7th birthday

It’s a sunny day in Los Angeles. We are here to celebrate Erik and Patty’s wedding, and we’re so happy to share in their day, but at the same time we are missing Collin’s 7^th birthday back at home. He’s enjoying his time with grandma and his brother and probably doesn’t miss us at all since he’s being spoiled and we’ve celebrated much of the week before we left, but that doesn’t make me feel any less guilty for being away.

This year I’m having a hard time with 7. It feels really old. I’m hanging on to 6 with all I have, and up until today reported I have a 6 year old. Drew corrected me each time—“he’s almost 7!” but I persevered. 7 was just too much for me.

7 is sort of that lucky sweet spot in childhood, not too young to be independent, not too old to still see the innocence of the world. 7 really will be an amazing year, I’m certain. But, 6 marked a ripe transition for me, and I’ve watched small changes happen that pull at my heart strings.

This year Collin was in 1^st grade- and what a year of learning it was! He’s really started to get a handle on focus and attention, and I was pleasantly surprised to see him hold his own in the classroom with others to be able to get his work done. His reading skills took off—he learned to love chapter books and now reads for pleasure all the time. He’s grown interested in Pokemon and Minecraft and has wandered through the joys and challenges of budding friendships.

During six, this year Collin still holds my hand when we cross the parking lot, but somewhere across the year, he noticeably moved from a kiss goodbye to a hug goodbye each morning. He still says I love you mom frequently, but also has shared with us a new found set of accusations. For the first time this year we heard “you are so mean!” and it broke my heart a little.

I don’t mean to highlight the negative though. Collin remains one of the most compassionate kids I know, and I honestly think he might be one of the most patient. He’s so kind to Owen even when Owen is losing his cool and while he does on occasion hit Owen back, snatch things or commit other common brother-ly offenses, he almost never does those sorts of things with others. He’s thoughtful and kind and generally wants to be everyone’s friend, which I love dearly about his personality.

At seven Collin now finds more value in figuring things out himself, which I adore. He loves figuring out Lego kits, putting together snap circuits and building things. This year he joined Cub Scouts (after a massive move by the Cub Scout powers that be to be more inclusive) and has loved every minute of it.

This year his favorite color is still red, with purple fading out. He still loves pizza probably the most, and ice cream is probably his favorite treat. He still doesn’t love chocolate a whole lot, among other various foods that he’s tried and not loved all that much.

He’s still got a crazy intense encyclopedic knowledge of dinosaurs; still adores camping and riding his bike. He’s still in so many ways my little boy; I can squeeze a snuggle in here and there without protest and he’ll choose to sit by me and be with me often, which I savor, because I know it won’t last that much longer.

This year he lost his first tooth, learned to throw a baseball (pretty well, in fact) and increased in responsibility and respect four fold. He’s definitely growing up, and I’m definitely watching it all happen wishing for it to slow down.

So, now that officially, he’s 7, even though we are thousands of miles away, I send my heart across the country to say:

Dear Collin,

I remember the day you came into our lives well. It was so warm that May 21^st- the lilacs were in bloom and you were shorts home from the hospital. Your birth will be forever associated with the incoming summer weather. I was overwhelmed with emotion that day, becoming a mom, but I had no idea what was in store for me. You are everything I ever dreamed I’d have in our first son. You push me to be a better mom, to remember that we are all working to learn from our mistakes all the time. You remind me to be silly more often than serious and to reflect on what you’ll remember each morning as we get ready for the day and how we balance out the effort to be positive over challenging. You are inquisitive, so very curious about the world, and in some ways more empowered than I ever was to ask questions and find answers. Your privilege is sometimes shocking to me, but I have to remember that you are small and there will be time in many years to help you learn how to reconcile that privilege to be as respectful as possible to others.

Your heart is so generous. You share and smile and bring kindness into all the interactions in our lives. You help us to see the connections between the moments of your childhood and the lasting impact it will have on your character and confidence. I’m so proud of who you are, and so happy to be able to say that we’ve nurtured those moments with intention to teach you how to be generous, kind, empathetic and helpful, and so far, it’s been a resounding success.

When others ask about you, I describe you as my thinker, my curious boy, who’s heart is so much bigger than I expected you could find in a 7 year old. Your empathy and compassion for others stands out as something unique- you really do feel intensely for others when things happen, and share intense joy when something goes right, and intense grief, when something goes wrong. I tell others that you are so sensitive, that your heart is so generous with love that it feels much of what others don’t. You still get worked up watching movies and we have to remind you that it will all be okay, that its just a movie.

You are my sweet and smart, but always working to improve, 7 year old. You make us so proud of all you’ve done and who you are growing up to be. Even though I lamented your turning 7, I have to admit I am excited to see what milestones you surpass this year, and what you have in store to teach us along the way as we too try to teach you the ways of the world.

Happy birthday my dear sweet baby boy.

My love for you is wider than an ocean, vaster than the stars and stronger than the sun.

Momma