10 weeks

Dear baby-

You, of my three viable pregnancies, are the first to really drag me down and out. It 10 weeks now, and you are kicking my butt. If there is a symptom on "first trimester side effects" list that I haven't had, I don't know what it is. So far, you've made my face look like a teenager, given me  more than morning sickness- more like all day naseousness, which is AWFUL. I can barely eat anything. The good news is that I don't crave anything sweet. You are a savory baby, I guess. You are also making my pants tight, already, and made my boobs as sore as humanly possible. Its a fun combination to put together. Most people I think look at me and think I might be dying of some awful illness that is contagious, and stay far, far away. I guess thats how I "glow" these day- ha ha.

On top of all of this I am exhausted. Like I require 12 hours of sleep exhaustion. The issue is, I need the sleep, but I feel even more nauseous when I wake up. So either I'm a zombie tired and not eating, or well rested, and feeling like I am going to puke. Again, fun times! These days if I take a nap it happens from 4:30-6 or so, then I go to bed around 10 and get up at 7:30. Thats right folks, I get 12 hours of sleep and still can't make it. Today I asked to sleep in and I woke up the latest I think I've every woken up- 9:45. SOOO late. That feels like half the day is gone!

Just the other day I was at an important business meeting that happened to occur in a restaurant over lunch. I was sitting with five other colleagues and we all ordered lunch. When I ordered the burger I asked for sounded good. It actually sounded delicious. When it arrived at the table I took one bite and thought immediately: STOP eating, You are going to puke on this table if you keep eating. I'm pretty sure they all thought I was so crazy, but I slowed my lunch to a three hour crawl. I ate about half of it, but not without intentionally convincing myself to not puke every bite. It was awful! Miserable!! Miserable! Miserable!

And so, so far it seems you are full of spunk on the inside. According to the midwives, your little heart is going wild- 174 beats per minute, and you are working your way around in there like a little fish, with newly formed arms and legs.

For now, I'm looking forward to the second trimester. We still haven't told anyone, and I'm looking forward to that too, all within just few weeks time. Instead of preventing myself from puking, I'm going to focus on the bright light ahead that is the second trimester!

love,
your momma