The first day.

I'm in Iowa today. Far away from my so-grown-up four year old boy, who is making his way to his first day at preschool. I'm a little bit heart broken that I have to be here, training the whole state of Iowa on how to use the assessments I'm part of the development and design team on (Individual Growth and Development Indicators; www.myigdis.com). It know its all for the "greater good" or what have you, since I'm helping teachers better serve 20,000 or so 4 and 5 year olds, but at this very moment, my heart really is only interested in the one back in Minnesota.

I was nervous today. Not about presenting to 100s of department of education folks, but instead for Collin. I wasn't there, and I couldn't help to start his day out right to make sure he headed to pre-k confident and excited for success on his first day. I left Drew a page long list of things to do, from the first day outfit, to what to put in the backpack, to the grocery bag of school supplies and necessary documents and tuition check. It was all there, step by step.

I started my presentation meetings just as Collin was getting out of bed, so I didn't get to talk to him before school. I sent his dad a text to at least share my excitement for him, but I was super bummed we didn't get to talk before the school day. I wondered if he really missed me this morning. If it made a difference to him that I wasn't the one holding his hand as he made his way to school. My heart sank a little bit to think of him feeling anxious or scared to start in a new class with new friends.

At lunch I finally had a break and got to call. The preschool day was over. It was make or break time- either I was going to hear it was a melt down or it was great. I didn't hedge any bets. That boys surprises me everyday so I had no idea which way this was going to go.

In the past couple of weeks though, I'd noticed that Collin has been starting to really pull together the "4 year old" thing- he's not as nearly testy or defiant as he used to be and seems to be catching his stride with understanding and appreciating school, sharing and the big brother role. His little bits of maturity are bittersweet though- they make me realize that he's growing so quickly and suddenly it will be a year from now and we'll be headed to kindergarten.

So, when I called today, I heard to sweetest and saddest thing in the world. He did amazingly well. Like "see you later dad, I got this!" good. Drew said he handled it like a pro, said good bye and was super excited to play and be with new friends. Not even a second glance. No check in. No anxiousness. Nothing. All confidence. All bright and beautiful.
Sigh (insert tiny tears here). Its a little bit sad to see them be so confident in their adventures, to know that chapter has closed and a new one is on the horizon.

I'm sure Collin will do great this year and I'm confident we'll help him along the way. I'm also sure he'll teach me so much more about being a good parent, and if we're lucky we'll teach him a few things too along the way.

Right now though, I savor this brief moment of mommyhood. Here, right in this spot, is exactly what we've worked for this year- giving Collin the skills to be successful and as much as the baby bird leaving the little nest is hard for the momma, it makes me proud to know he's here and ready. I'm lucky to be his momma, and even from 500 miles away, I can feel the happiness surging from that boy.