Spring Balance

The past two months have been a whirlwind of activity in our lives and we've been desperately trying to keep up. Blogging has taken a back seat as we try to make it through each day with a smile and sense of gratitude. Finally, after a few months of crazy, I feel like things are settling into a happy pattern where I get to focus on my family during the weeknights and weekends and work during the week days with a nice dark line drawn between the two. From January through the end of February this wasn't the case, as I was burning the candle on both ends, working once the kids went to sleep and then getting right back to it early the next morning in the office, trying to squeeze family activities and time with my boys among the chaos. Mostly thinking all the while that I was missing out on something important with the boys.

 Today, quite literally, was a breath of fresh air. Instead of treading water, I feel like I'm finally making ground on some tasks at home and leaving work in the background. Inhale. Exhale.

 

 It was nearly 70 unseasonable degrees here in the land of the frozen tundra. I can barely believe it. March 11th?!? Who knew. The boys were anxious for the season and it seemed as though Collin had a meeting of the minds with mother nature, as he too was FULL of energy today. So, outside we went for as long as possible to burn off energy, enjoy the sunshine and play in the mud puddles that spattered the lawn from the melting snow. While Drew entertained the boys outside I was able to get some cooking, cleaning and alleviate the clutter in our house and in my brain.

 So, what exactly has been taking up my time these days?, as I miss out on opportunities to blog? Well, remember in 2010 when I was pregnant with Owen and I decided to make a quilt? I'm STILL working on it! This poor kid is going to finally get his quilt when he gets on the bus to Kindergarten. Why is it taking me so long you ask? Well, it would have been a whole lot easier if I didn't decide that my very first quilt would be a hexagon quilt. Did you know that hexagon quilts are super impossible for newbie quilters? Its true. Thats why most people hand stitch hexagon quilts-- they are super hard to sew. Maybe I should have done my research first, but here I am, with lots and lots of hexagons and slow slow skills in sewing them into a quilt. But, I've resolved to finish it this year, so I keep on (and on, and on, and on....) and its replacing my after-hours working duties. When the boys go to bed, I carve out time to start sewing (Maybe in a later post I'll actually let you see the catastrophe I've made!). Up next on my list are the many Blurb books that are queuing up to capture the many memories these boys bring to our life, and topping that list is Owen's first year book. I'm way behind on this task. Like WAY WAY behind. Since Owen turned one, oh, say almost three months ago. There are half a dozen other books in that line too, but hopefully, they too will all get created this year.

 At the same time I'm trying really hard to just spend more time with the boys. My second baby guilt rides my conscience and I'm in a constant state of anxiety for Owen's development. Mostly I think that I haven't spent enough time with him and so he'll suffer. Its probably not true, but if it isn't he sure likes to torture me. For example, Owen still isn't walking. He's 14 months now and really refuses to walk. I think he could probably do it if he wasn't so stubborn and resistant when we stand him on his little feet. As soon as we stand him up and try to back away so he'll walk he dead weights and sits down, then takes off crawling at lightening pace. Its probably just my lovely genetic influence-- instilling massive stubborn genes in my son, but I wince thinking **maybe** its because we baby him too much, or because I don't get to devote as much time to him as I would like to. At the same time, Owen doesn't like to talk as much as Collin did at this age. He has a few words- "momma", "daddy", "uh oh", sometimes "up", but mostly resorts to his stubborn whine.

It goes something like this Owen: I want more food! What we hear: Shriek, whine, yell yell. Owen: I want you to pick me up! What we hear: whine, whine, whine. Owen: I'm done with this toy (crawls away). What we hear: toy drop, pad pad pad (speed crawl to new toy).

It is possible that we still baby him a bit too much. I find myself admittedly carrying him often. I don't force him to say things. I'm an awful parent. Really. I'm trying to get better. Particularly I'm trying to put him down often instead of just carrying him around, and forcing him to do simple tasks (e.g. touch your nose) by not giving in until he does it, or to use a sign or word.

**TRYING** is the key word here though. Our life is busy, and I want so badly to focus on Owen's development, but I'm sure my effort is dismal compared to what he really deserves and then I find myself back in my guilt sandwich. Ugh.

 At 15 months I'll update on what Owen's up to. Maybe it will be super surprising. Maybe I'll still be babying him too much, but I sure hope not. This kid is giving me a "awful momma" ulcer.

But, this post is about the cobwebs clearing away and the stress fading to a dull background salute. With spring in our palms I hope that the boys take every minute they can to suck up the amazing outdoors and learn some new words and how to walk along the way (maybe, tomorrow or so?-- A momma can dream too you know).