Babies and Sleep

Its not very often that I get on a little soap box to talk about parenting. In fact, I try pretty hard to keep my thoughts to myself outside of my job- since everyday I'm inundated with research about whats good and whats bad in early childhood. But, that doesn't prevent me from being concerned for the many little babies that don't get enough sleep, and as a result miss out on some critical development periods.

But, time and again, people say to me "wow your boys sleep so much!" or "why do they go to bed so early?" or "Why don't you just let them stay up?", or the best so far, "isn't it a little bit selfish that you put them down so early so you can be alone with your husband?". This last one really got under my skin. The lady who asked me this (who will remain un-named) just assumed that because my kids go down at 6:30 and 7:00 pm that it MUST be because I want so badly to be alone with Drew that I force them to sleep.

I was incredibly irritated. And so, this post.

Its true that my boys do go to sleep at 6:30 and 7, and sleep until about 6:30 or 7 am the next day. They also take lots of naps, totally about 3 to 4 additional hours of sleep for Owen and 2 to 3 additional hours for Collin. So, in all total, they sleep about 15 hours a day. They have pretty consistent schedules- Collin is nearly always home to be to sleep for nap at 12:45, and to bed by 7, and Owen, while a bit more various, always takes his first nap from 8:15/8:30 to 9:30/10:00. That nap sets the stage for the rest of the day, but on average he doesn't got more than 2 hours of awake time between naps.

So, why, dear reader do we do this? Why do we plan around their naps and protect, carefully when they get to sleep? Well, let me tell you.

Research, loads and loads of research, shows that most babies don't get enough sleep and as a result are cranky, tired, and miss out on critical development time. As it turns out a significant proportion of brain development happens while babies are sleeping, and the first year of life represents a critical window for development. Not getting enough sleep is linked to all sorts of risks (e.g. ADHD, low levels of emotion regulation etc.). As a result, we decided early on to protect that space in our lives, when they get their precious precious sleep. Because research also shows 15 hours of sleep is an adequate amount for infants and toddlers, we worked to make our schedules reflect enough nap time and bed time to achieve this. As a result, our kids often miss things that happen at night. We don't let them stay up late, and we don't skip naps, and sometimes this irritates people. We hear things like "why can't they just stay up and play?", or "Don't you miss out on so many things because they are sleeping," and some folks say things like " my kids just weren't tired, I could have never done that."

We saw, rather quickly with Collin that he was a ridiculously happy when he was awake as a baby (and now), how easy he went to sleep, and how engaged he was when playing and being with others. Collin was always happy, rarely cried, was very rarely cranky and generally radiated happiness. His ECFE teacher one day said, "sometimes you wonder if you do a good job with the kids because at this age they aren't always verbal, but then there's Collin. He's the happiest and most pleasant kiddo I've had in class in a long time." It totally confirmed for us how important his sleep was and continues to be.

And so, we've continued to be persistent with protecting sleep with Owen, and he's much of the same, if not an even happier baby. We see the benefits of their sleep schedule everyday. So, when people ask us why we don't let them stay up, or forget about naps, we think about the kids we see who throw tantrums, or whine continuously, or struggle to stay awake throughout the day, and wish, for a minute, they'd stop judging us, and take a look at their own kid's development. Putting our babies to sleep so they are rested and can benefit from all the magic that goes on in their little brains as they sleep is our job, as is determining when they need to go down and wake up, as babies don't get to decide whats in their own best interest.

So, when I put my kids to sleep early, its true that my heart hurts that I don't get to spend more time with them everyday, but we do it precisely because we are not selfishly thinking about our own needs, but instead putting their first, and that, in so many ways, is what parenting is all about.

So, no, lady, who remains unnamed, we are not selfishly putting our kids to bed early. Rather, we're selflessly giving up precious moments with them so that they can be the happy and healthy kids they are today.

**stepping off the soapbox now**