What do you think of the socks with these, mom?
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Babies and Sleep
Its not very often that I get on a little soap box to talk about parenting. In fact, I try pretty hard to keep my thoughts to myself outside of my job- since everyday I'm inundated with research about whats good and whats bad in early childhood. But, that doesn't prevent me from being concerned for the many little babies that don't get enough sleep, and as a result miss out on some critical development periods.
But, time and again, people say to me "wow your boys sleep so much!" or "why do they go to bed so early?" or "Why don't you just let them stay up?", or the best so far, "isn't it a little bit selfish that you put them down so early so you can be alone with your husband?". This last one really got under my skin. The lady who asked me this (who will remain un-named) just assumed that because my kids go down at 6:30 and 7:00 pm that it MUST be because I want so badly to be alone with Drew that I force them to sleep.
I was incredibly irritated. And so, this post.
Its true that my boys do go to sleep at 6:30 and 7, and sleep until about 6:30 or 7 am the next day. They also take lots of naps, totally about 3 to 4 additional hours of sleep for Owen and 2 to 3 additional hours for Collin. So, in all total, they sleep about 15 hours a day. They have pretty consistent schedules- Collin is nearly always home to be to sleep for nap at 12:45, and to bed by 7, and Owen, while a bit more various, always takes his first nap from 8:15/8:30 to 9:30/10:00. That nap sets the stage for the rest of the day, but on average he doesn't got more than 2 hours of awake time between naps.
So, why, dear reader do we do this? Why do we plan around their naps and protect, carefully when they get to sleep? Well, let me tell you.
Research, loads and loads of research, shows that most babies don't get enough sleep and as a result are cranky, tired, and miss out on critical development time. As it turns out a significant proportion of brain development happens while babies are sleeping, and the first year of life represents a critical window for development. Not getting enough sleep is linked to all sorts of risks (e.g. ADHD, low levels of emotion regulation etc.). As a result, we decided early on to protect that space in our lives, when they get their precious precious sleep. Because research also shows 15 hours of sleep is an adequate amount for infants and toddlers, we worked to make our schedules reflect enough nap time and bed time to achieve this. As a result, our kids often miss things that happen at night. We don't let them stay up late, and we don't skip naps, and sometimes this irritates people. We hear things like "why can't they just stay up and play?", or "Don't you miss out on so many things because they are sleeping," and some folks say things like " my kids just weren't tired, I could have never done that."
We saw, rather quickly with Collin that he was a ridiculously happy when he was awake as a baby (and now), how easy he went to sleep, and how engaged he was when playing and being with others. Collin was always happy, rarely cried, was very rarely cranky and generally radiated happiness. His ECFE teacher one day said, "sometimes you wonder if you do a good job with the kids because at this age they aren't always verbal, but then there's Collin. He's the happiest and most pleasant kiddo I've had in class in a long time." It totally confirmed for us how important his sleep was and continues to be.
And so, we've continued to be persistent with protecting sleep with Owen, and he's much of the same, if not an even happier baby. We see the benefits of their sleep schedule everyday. So, when people ask us why we don't let them stay up, or forget about naps, we think about the kids we see who throw tantrums, or whine continuously, or struggle to stay awake throughout the day, and wish, for a minute, they'd stop judging us, and take a look at their own kid's development. Putting our babies to sleep so they are rested and can benefit from all the magic that goes on in their little brains as they sleep is our job, as is determining when they need to go down and wake up, as babies don't get to decide whats in their own best interest.
So, when I put my kids to sleep early, its true that my heart hurts that I don't get to spend more time with them everyday, but we do it precisely because we are not selfishly thinking about our own needs, but instead putting their first, and that, in so many ways, is what parenting is all about.
So, no, lady, who remains unnamed, we are not selfishly putting our kids to bed early. Rather, we're selflessly giving up precious moments with them so that they can be the happy and healthy kids they are today.
**stepping off the soapbox now**
But, time and again, people say to me "wow your boys sleep so much!" or "why do they go to bed so early?" or "Why don't you just let them stay up?", or the best so far, "isn't it a little bit selfish that you put them down so early so you can be alone with your husband?". This last one really got under my skin. The lady who asked me this (who will remain un-named) just assumed that because my kids go down at 6:30 and 7:00 pm that it MUST be because I want so badly to be alone with Drew that I force them to sleep.
I was incredibly irritated. And so, this post.
Its true that my boys do go to sleep at 6:30 and 7, and sleep until about 6:30 or 7 am the next day. They also take lots of naps, totally about 3 to 4 additional hours of sleep for Owen and 2 to 3 additional hours for Collin. So, in all total, they sleep about 15 hours a day. They have pretty consistent schedules- Collin is nearly always home to be to sleep for nap at 12:45, and to bed by 7, and Owen, while a bit more various, always takes his first nap from 8:15/8:30 to 9:30/10:00. That nap sets the stage for the rest of the day, but on average he doesn't got more than 2 hours of awake time between naps.
So, why, dear reader do we do this? Why do we plan around their naps and protect, carefully when they get to sleep? Well, let me tell you.
Research, loads and loads of research, shows that most babies don't get enough sleep and as a result are cranky, tired, and miss out on critical development time. As it turns out a significant proportion of brain development happens while babies are sleeping, and the first year of life represents a critical window for development. Not getting enough sleep is linked to all sorts of risks (e.g. ADHD, low levels of emotion regulation etc.). As a result, we decided early on to protect that space in our lives, when they get their precious precious sleep. Because research also shows 15 hours of sleep is an adequate amount for infants and toddlers, we worked to make our schedules reflect enough nap time and bed time to achieve this. As a result, our kids often miss things that happen at night. We don't let them stay up late, and we don't skip naps, and sometimes this irritates people. We hear things like "why can't they just stay up and play?", or "Don't you miss out on so many things because they are sleeping," and some folks say things like " my kids just weren't tired, I could have never done that."
We saw, rather quickly with Collin that he was a ridiculously happy when he was awake as a baby (and now), how easy he went to sleep, and how engaged he was when playing and being with others. Collin was always happy, rarely cried, was very rarely cranky and generally radiated happiness. His ECFE teacher one day said, "sometimes you wonder if you do a good job with the kids because at this age they aren't always verbal, but then there's Collin. He's the happiest and most pleasant kiddo I've had in class in a long time." It totally confirmed for us how important his sleep was and continues to be.
And so, we've continued to be persistent with protecting sleep with Owen, and he's much of the same, if not an even happier baby. We see the benefits of their sleep schedule everyday. So, when people ask us why we don't let them stay up, or forget about naps, we think about the kids we see who throw tantrums, or whine continuously, or struggle to stay awake throughout the day, and wish, for a minute, they'd stop judging us, and take a look at their own kid's development. Putting our babies to sleep so they are rested and can benefit from all the magic that goes on in their little brains as they sleep is our job, as is determining when they need to go down and wake up, as babies don't get to decide whats in their own best interest.
So, when I put my kids to sleep early, its true that my heart hurts that I don't get to spend more time with them everyday, but we do it precisely because we are not selfishly thinking about our own needs, but instead putting their first, and that, in so many ways, is what parenting is all about.
So, no, lady, who remains unnamed, we are not selfishly putting our kids to bed early. Rather, we're selflessly giving up precious moments with them so that they can be the happy and healthy kids they are today.
**stepping off the soapbox now**
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
7 months old...
Oh baby. Are you really 7 months old? I just wrote your 6 month post, and now I've been forced to write as though another month has slipped through my desperate grasp.
7 months. Its a little turning point in your life. Your first moments of autonomy are squeaking out- we can see you make little choices here and there and show us more about your interests, which is so exciting, and so heartbreaking. I just want you to stay where you are and be my little baby for awhile. Oh, Owen.
Life with you is nothing but a pleasure. I can't even describe how great you are, its possible you'd win easiest baby ever. We're so very blessed to have you in our lives, and I can barely beleive how lucky we are. You shower smiles on us all day long. Right from the first moment you leave your crib, to the moment I turn out the lights to say goodnight, you are smiling, beaming. I bet your little cheeks hurt all day you are so happy.
These days you're doing all sorts of fun things. You aren't crawling yet, but you are definitely making your best effort. You can push yourself around while laying on your back and scooting like a centipede across the floor. When you are anxious to get to something, like the music box, you'll roll over and across the room, but you're resistant to rolling, as it takes more effort, and you're lazy most of the time. You do try, desperately, to crawl, but you can't get your arms to coincide with your legs, making it impossible to move, but adds to fuel your frustration. Since you don't cry, instead you yell, as though you are telling yourself, "Get it together, Owen! Lets get this show on the road and MOVE."
You spend your days adoring your big brother, who wants to play with you more and more, and you're starting to catch on more often. He loves to "read" to you by showing you books and narrating a story he makes up, or by hanging toys in front of you to grab on to. You think he's perfectly hilarious (still) and crack up whenever he starts to be silly.
Our morning these days are starting a bit later, usually quarter to 7, or if I'm lucky a bit after 7 you rise and shine to Collin and I. You're now enjoying breakfast, which you love to do next to Collin, as you chatter to him and he smiles back and encourages you to watch him eat and play. Then its off to play time-- we read stories, play on your play mat, as you transfer toys to and from your hands, flip through books, gnaw on books and toys, rattle your rattles and move about the room on your back. Before long though, we're on to the next thing, which usually amounts to diaper rinses, getting ready for work, making beds, cleaning dishes...the regular grind of our day,and we talk, talk, talk. We've also started sign language with you, so hopefully, in a few months, we'll see you mimic the "more" sign or ask "please" using your hand to your heart.
As we wind down before 8:30, you nurse and head off to nap. By the time you wake up, we're all caught up with household chores and ready to play again, this time often at the park, outside or in the basement. You love to watch Samson these days, admiring his little cute face, and startling when he nudges you, or worse, barks when you are close by. At lunch, you often wolf down your food, anxious for more, and saddened that the jar is empty. You love to hear books and play with toys that interact- mostly in the exersaucer, where you can get things to make noise by pushing buttons, or at the Leap Table where you can play all sorts of fantastic music. You seem to be sucking it all in, absorbing every moment. Our day continues with nursing, naps and food, scattered with playing and talking, and loads and loads of smiles.
We're trying to wean you of your sleep wrap, which you seem to need to get a good nights rest. We've started with one arm out, and one arm still in, making slow, but consistent process. When we tried it without a wrap, it was much like wrestling an alligator, so we've determined a slow and steady course of action is best. We're plugging along, hopefully by 8 months or so we'll have you out of the wrap and sleeping all on your own.
Its true that our days don't tell the whole story of your adventures, as we do have a routine that sometimes seems all too regular to capture how special every moment of your life is, but we try, diligently to remember the best parts of everyday, how you make strides in sitting up (and rarely following over these days), using your legs to push yourself up as we hold you toward things you can stand against, and growing growing growing, so to be too big for the carseat! At 7 months, my love for you continues to grow, exponentially everyday.
I love seeing your amazing smile every morning. I love how you hug back by wrapping your hands around my face when we hug you. I love holding and rocking you to sleep, I love seeing your baby blues smile when I talk to you. I love how you hold on to my pinky when calm and content. I love that when I press my palm against your cheek you instantly calm. I love that you are growing attached to Parsley the Puppy, making your affection so overt, as you hug him close as I rock you to sleep. I love that your little life, fills every morning with love and happiness, starting each and every day with nothing but thankfulness for how amazing you are.
You love, love, love food. More than any baby I know. You have a couple of chins to show off because of it, and try new foods all the time. You get worked up when we don't give you enough (to your liking) or the food jar runs empty and you weren't quite finished yet. We're up to three little meals a day as we head into your 8th month, and before I know it you'll be at a year, eating all kinds of unbelievable things.
You're also on the cusp of getting a tooth, which I've been saying now for a month or two. Its seems like its **right** on the edge of breaking through your bottom gum, but you've consistently proven me wrong, so who knows when it will happen, but its right there, I swear. I'm sure I'll know all about it as soon as you do break a tooth through though, as you are still nursing, and if memory serves, babies aren't exactly the best at figuring out what to do with those teeth right away.
You spend your days adoring your big brother, who wants to play with you more and more, and you're starting to catch on more often. He loves to "read" to you by showing you books and narrating a story he makes up, or by hanging toys in front of you to grab on to. You think he's perfectly hilarious (still) and crack up whenever he starts to be silly.
You're quickly growing, already in 12 month clothes, even though you're not even 8 months yet, and you chatter often, although no clear words are consistently arriving in your lexicon. You wander through the days grabbing this and that, putting everything in your mouth, including your toes, which you've lately been enamored with. You seem to have realized they are attached to your legs, which is apparently, fascinating to a 7 month old. As you grow there are days you sleep in, days you nap often and other days that your schedule is incredibly various. This is probably the hardest part for me, as I like to have a schedule, and you, my dear son, absolutely don't. You always nap about 8:30 am for an hour or so, and then it sort of a toss up. We make sure you get the required 15 hours a sleep a day, which means, sometimes, lots of little naps, but there is rarely a set schedule after that first nap, which makes your days hard to follow. I try to go with the flow, and if anything you've taught me to be more flexible and patient, so everyday, we're learning to be better parents.
Life is getting more and more exciting for you, as in the fall you'll start ECFE and Music Together, giving you more and more social interaction and time to learn from other babies, just like you. Before long Lindsey, your nanny, will be taking you to story time and you'll be moving right along learning to make animal sounds, hearing new words and working to catch up to your big brother.
Our morning these days are starting a bit later, usually quarter to 7, or if I'm lucky a bit after 7 you rise and shine to Collin and I. You're now enjoying breakfast, which you love to do next to Collin, as you chatter to him and he smiles back and encourages you to watch him eat and play. Then its off to play time-- we read stories, play on your play mat, as you transfer toys to and from your hands, flip through books, gnaw on books and toys, rattle your rattles and move about the room on your back. Before long though, we're on to the next thing, which usually amounts to diaper rinses, getting ready for work, making beds, cleaning dishes...the regular grind of our day,and we talk, talk, talk. We've also started sign language with you, so hopefully, in a few months, we'll see you mimic the "more" sign or ask "please" using your hand to your heart.
As we wind down before 8:30, you nurse and head off to nap. By the time you wake up, we're all caught up with household chores and ready to play again, this time often at the park, outside or in the basement. You love to watch Samson these days, admiring his little cute face, and startling when he nudges you, or worse, barks when you are close by. At lunch, you often wolf down your food, anxious for more, and saddened that the jar is empty. You love to hear books and play with toys that interact- mostly in the exersaucer, where you can get things to make noise by pushing buttons, or at the Leap Table where you can play all sorts of fantastic music. You seem to be sucking it all in, absorbing every moment. Our day continues with nursing, naps and food, scattered with playing and talking, and loads and loads of smiles.
We're trying to wean you of your sleep wrap, which you seem to need to get a good nights rest. We've started with one arm out, and one arm still in, making slow, but consistent process. When we tried it without a wrap, it was much like wrestling an alligator, so we've determined a slow and steady course of action is best. We're plugging along, hopefully by 8 months or so we'll have you out of the wrap and sleeping all on your own.
Its true that our days don't tell the whole story of your adventures, as we do have a routine that sometimes seems all too regular to capture how special every moment of your life is, but we try, diligently to remember the best parts of everyday, how you make strides in sitting up (and rarely following over these days), using your legs to push yourself up as we hold you toward things you can stand against, and growing growing growing, so to be too big for the carseat! At 7 months, my love for you continues to grow, exponentially everyday.
I love seeing your amazing smile every morning. I love how you hug back by wrapping your hands around my face when we hug you. I love holding and rocking you to sleep, I love seeing your baby blues smile when I talk to you. I love how you hold on to my pinky when calm and content. I love that when I press my palm against your cheek you instantly calm. I love that you are growing attached to Parsley the Puppy, making your affection so overt, as you hug him close as I rock you to sleep. I love that your little life, fills every morning with love and happiness, starting each and every day with nothing but thankfulness for how amazing you are.
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