Symptoms?!? They call these Symptoms?!?

So, if you google pregnancy symptoms you'll get about 50 different things that are you going to experience and how they progress as you move along in your pregnancy...blah blah blah... Not one of these sites manages to display with adequate disgust how these so called symptoms will change your life. The headlines should say things like "Forget Food, you will devote your time to gut-rot" or "Prepare yourself for methane explosions!" or possibly, "Don't even try to get out of bed without 15 hours of sleep!". You are likely laughing at these titles, but they are the God-honest truth. Why does no one describe this?!? I expected a little mid-morning sickness. Just enough to remind me that I am pregnant and make me smile. HA! Then I quickly learned that the 'morning' part was the biggest misnomer in the UNIVERSE. If anything, mornings are when I am most likely to eat something and not feel like death afterwards. I expect to want to take a nap once in awhile, and during those naps dream of how the nursery will look or about the names we are mulling over. Instead, I usually try to sleep to get away from the nausea and hit the pillow like a rock. To top it off, I need, no, I require at a minimum, 13 hours of sleep. 13 hours! This is such a long time. About 2 pm my body goes into shut down and I wander off to a sleepy place that makes me so completely nonfunctional that the kids I work with must think that I am useless when it comes to their issues. I identify with those women who think that these 9 months are the longest of their life- and while I am sure I will cherish every day of it in hind sight, right now I just wish I could eat. Eat anything outside of cheese and bananas. Oh how I want the things I used to love to sound tasty and delicious instead of repulsive. Maybe tonight, in my 12 hours of sleep I'll try to channel all my energy on dreaming about that.