How have we arrived here so quickly? Has it really been three months you've been in this wide world? My memory becomes wisps as I try to recall each moment between your birth and now, like hanging onto a cloud, just right in front of me, but impossible to grasp.
You, my sweet, dear daughter and such joy to our lives. I knew in my heart that someday God would give us a daughter, and here you are, snuggled in my arms, making our hearts-- all of our hearts, burst with wonder.
At three months you've solidified your title as easiest baby. You really are like a sprite in our lives- your smile is contagious and whenever I hold you I can't help but let the worries fade and enjoy the conversations we have. And converse, you do! You have found your adorable voice, and your dad and I both swear that you nearly say "hi!" as you mimic how we greet you. Every time we hear your sweet voice a long and endearing "hhhhiiiiiiiii" rolls out of our mouths and you've taken to trying it out yourself. Its adorable, and we often say to you how much we adore your sweet little voice. Its amazing to see your brain at work trying to communicate with us, learning to use socially reinforcing sounds, smiles and coos to tell us you are happy. If I were to translate your baby speak I hope it would go something like this:"hello momma! You make me so happy and I love being part of our family!"
Three months has been another month of accomplishments. This month you took your first trip to the state fair, took a second lakehouse trip and escaped the horrors of hand foot and mouth disease that your brothers brought home from the lakehouse as a special treat (ugh). I continue to believe that so far you've escaped a houseful of colds and this virus because of my fanatic babywearing and nursing. I think its protected you and I've enjoyed every moment of having you close to my heart.
As our family has grown, so too have our roles in life. I have more responsibility at work than I've ever had before, with a team of about 8 under me and three projects I have responsibility for running, so maternity leave looked different than it has in the past. While I was never able to fully unplug, I found that I could keep you with me for many digital calls and meetings. You've become a sort of IGDI mascot and I make no apologies for the baby in the background. If they want me, you are part of the package. As a result, you've been to both of my offices and met most of my teams. You've endured hiring new staff, recruiting sites and making decisions on behalf of multi-million dollar projects, all in these first three months. After your brothers start back to school next week, I start back to a regular schedule and while I will miss you, I also look forward to getting back to trying to leave work at work and focus on you while we are at home. I'm also so thankful we have such a fantastic nanny who will care for you like you are her own grandchild. Candy's been with our family for three years now and she really is our own Mary Poppins, so you will have fantastic care and be loved immensely while I am away.
And while I'm away, you'll be doing what you do, which is a lot of napping. You take naps between every 1.5 and 2 hours that you are awake, and we're working to make more and more of those be in the crib. When I am home I'm usually able to get your first nap in the crib for 45 minutes or so and the second and third ones are a little bit more difficult, but we try. We're being patient with you and remembering that you'll only be little for so long, that this phase seeps through our fingers like fine sand and no matter how much we neglect to see the joy in each time you want out of the crib to be rocked, in a few short months, we will miss it. We will wish for more of those moments. And so I say often, we can't hold you too much. And its true.
As I write this though, you are down for the night, in your crib. You go to bed around 7:30/8 and sleep usually until about 2 am. When we head to bed we move you to the pack and play in our room so that I don't have to go so far to feed you at night. This time, for the first time, your dad isn't doing the 2 am bottles- I'm feeding you, which is good for keeping nursing strong, but not so awesome for sleeping through the night. I shouldn't complain really, you only get up the once, but 9 times out of 10, getting you back to bed after that wake up is impossible, meaning I fall asleep feeding you. Then I wake at 6:30 or so to find you next to me and curse myself for not putting you back in your bed. This cycle continues and continues and each day I feel renewed guilt that letting you sleep in the bed is dangerous, and while I'm not worried about rolling on you, I do have a hyper-vigilant worry about you burrowing yourself under blankets or inbetween me and the mattress to a place where you can't breathe. I know its unlikely, but just as with your brothers I worry, immensely about you when you are so little.
In the land of napping you seem to do better these days being swaddled at night, although at naps, that doesn't seem to do the trick very well. I usually wrap you loosely in a muslim blanket and that works during the day, but at night I worry about you getting cold or waking yourself up with your wild arms.
When you awake from naps, and next to me in the morning you most often have such a glorious, uninhibited smile. The whole world offers you nothing but happiness, and it shows. You have no worry, no concern, you bring the closest thing to pure joy that I can put my hands on. Its absolutely wonderful.
You really do adore your brothers too. I take so much joy in watching them talk to you and play with you. Collin loves to read you books and Owen loves to show you toys. They argue about who is closer to you and who should hold what. It was so hard for them to not be near you the week of hand foot and mouth disease, I could see their little hearts crumbling when I kept them away. As soon as they were cleared to be with you again they were right there, giving you hugs and kisses. They talk to you with such endearing voices, and really, I can nearly see their hearts beaming with pride in their roles as big brothers. You have two guardians for life, dear Eden. They'll always protect you.
In the world of parenting there are also so many funny things that come up that we forgot about- pooping in the bathtub (which you did), peeing all over the place (which you've done), many many blowouts, farting like an old man and some serious loud rips while you are pooping. Its funny to know that such noise can come out of such a tiny baby!
And speaking of accomplishments, about a week before reaching the 3 month milestone, you rolled over. We were at the lakehouse and I could barely believe it. Slow down baby girl. I want to savor these moments. I want to hold onto the baby you are. We just had to move you into 3-6 month clothes and I was sad to see you move through the tiniest stuff we have. But as you grow, you become so much more interactive. You love to play with the rattles, your peacock and the toys that make chimes. You will watch the pink pig and smile at him as if to say, hello, welcome to my happiness! You still like the swing, and you'd take baths for hours if I would keep you in there- you are so content and happy during bath time.
At three months, you remind me that time flies. That babies don't keep. That our hearts continue to grow to love all of you in ways we never imagined. When I walk with you nuzzled to my chest, I remind myself that this is where we were meant to be. This is where I take my greatest pride in life. We are so lucky to be your parents and we can't wait to see where you go next. You make our world so much brighter and while we aren't quite ready for four months, we'll be here with you to watch it unfold and enjoy the moments you share.
all our love
Mama and Daddy
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