Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Peter Cotton Tail

The Easter Bunny came to our house this year.
It was tremendous fun for Collin and Owen liked it too, even if just to watch Collin's reactions.


But it also put me in a weird state of confusion about who ever thought up the Easter Bunny. Collin is at the perfect age to ask every question he can think of. So we got a bombardment of questions about who the Easter Bunny is and what his mission is. Our conversations went something like this:

"Momma, is the Easter bunny Blue?"
"Collin, I don't know, I've never seen him. He comes at night when you are sleeping."
"Then he must be red, Momma."
"Maybe?.."
"Does the Easter bunny know Santa?"
"I don't know Collin."
"But Santa knows if you make good choice and so does the Easter bunny."
"True"
"Where does the Easter Bunny live, momma?"
"I would guess in a rabbit hole like other rabbits"
"Where"
"I don't know, Collin?"
"But where, Momma"
"the Mall."
"Whats the mall, Momma."
"Its just a place to buy things Collin, lets talk about something else."



OR

"Momma, is the Easter bunny silly?"
"Maybe. Why?"
"Because he hides stuff, like eggs."
"He hid my egg in the kitchen."
"yes, that was pretty silly."
"Do you know that ducks, chicks, snakes and turtles have eggs?"
"Wow Collin, you knew that?"
"But bunny rabbits don't have eggs"
"Yes, Collin"
"Why does the Easter Bunny have eggs, momma.?"
"Good Question, Collin."


For almost every interaction we had around the Easter bunny I counted one tally mark for "ridiculous idea". I just have no idea where the whole idea came from. I mean, who decides a giant rabbit is going to pepper your house/yard with eggs, leave you a basket of goodies and hop away until next year? Its so strange.

So I did a little research. Turns out the Easter Bunny doesn't have much to do with the Christian holiday of Easter. Its actually a pagan ritual to celebrate springtime. The goddess of Spring time was named, you guessed it Eastre. So there you have it, it was about worshiping the springtime goddess. And what better symbol to represent the blossoming and fruitful nature of spring that the little rabbit that shoots out babies like its going out of style. Rabbits. Rabbits are a symbol for fertility. The Easter bunny is all about making babies. Maybe thats why he/she (although it must be a she if this is correct) leaves all the eggs laying around. If someone would just take care of fertilizing those things....
So anyway, it sort of leaves us wondering why on Earth our kids would get excited about a fertile bunny dropping eggs all over the place, but whatever- we roll with it.

Collin's questions continued on. We have a sing-a-majig that my parents gave Owen for Easter last year that sings Here comes Peter Cotton Tail. Collin asked (true to form) "Who's Peter?" and "Why does he have a tail?"
I responded with my usual go to phrase: "Good question Collin, lets find out!"

So, to round out Easter we investigated just what this Peter Cottontail was all about. Have you ever heard the whole song? Its got 5 or so verses I didn't know existed:


Here comes Peter Cottontail
Here comes Peter Cottontail
Hoppin' down the bunny trail,
Hippity hoppity,
Easter's on its way
Bringin' ev'ry girl and boy
A basketful of Easter joy
Things to make your Easter
Bright and gay

He's got jelly beans for Tommy
Colored eggs for sister Sue
There's an orchid for your mommy
And an Easter bonnet too. Oh!

Here' comes Peter Cottontail
Hoppin' down the bunny trail
Hippity hoppity
Happy Easter Day

Look at him hop and listen to him say,
"Try to do the things you should"
Maybe if you're extra good
He'll roll lots of Easter eggs your way

You'll wake up on Easter morning
And you'll know that he was there
When you find those choc'late bunnies
That he's hiding ev’rywhere, Oh!

Here' comes Peter Cottontail
Hoppin' down the bunny trail
Hippity hoppity
Happy Easter Day

 


Happy Spring-fertility-do-it-like-Rabbits Holiday!

Top 15 things about Owen

If you've been reading our blog lately, you probably have noticed my bi-polar fluctuations from incredible excitement about Owen's development to intense anxiety about the lack there of (which sounds way worse than what it really is). So instead of posting about where Owen is at 15 months I'm going to try to stop being the ridiculous over-protective mother that I tend to be with him, and instead revel in the top 15 things about Owen, one for every month of his adorable little life.
Number 1. Owen's Hugs. Owen gives the best hugs. Even at 15 months he gets what a hug is supposed to be. When he wants a hug he lays his adorable head on my should, puts his other tiny arm around my neck  and pulls in tightly, squeezing, carefully and gently as if with only 15 months of experience he knows that squeezing too hard ruins the hug and not squeezing enough is no hug at all. He's tailored it perfectly, and if I'm lucky he'll hang on to me for 10 or more seconds, nuzzling in, making me feel like I'm the luckiest momma in the world. In the moments after he wakes from his nap, he's so happy to see my face when I walk in that he gives hugs like its been an eternity since he last saw me. I love them.

Since Owen gives these amazing hugs it has reminded me of a brief phase of Collin's life where he would walk (maybe more like toddle around) and hold up his arms saying "hug", "hug", "hug","hug". It was so adorable because he could barely talk and still had such a baby voice and he would wander around seeking hugs. Its unfortunate that I didn't record any of that when Collin was tiny, because I remember as such an affectionate and endearing time.
Number 2. Sound Explosion. I've sort of been a negative Nancy about Owen talking. I study early language and literacy so I expect my kiddos to talk early. My(our) stats on the LENA recording device (a device a child wears that provides feedback on how many words they hear a day, how words they say (utterances) and how many times a child and adult interact verbally (conversational turns)) are high- which is no surprise since I eat and breathe the importance of talking to your kids, but regardless of how much modeling we provide for Owen he's continues to persevere and not talk. As you read this I bet you are reading : CRAZY WOMAN. I know. Its true. I can't help it. This is what happens when you know way too much about child development.

 So he wasn't making much ground in the talking department, until very recently that is. Owen's stubborn. I've learned this the hard way. But just as I was going to start to panic, he started making all kinds of sounds that sound something like words. I should mention that its not like Owen hasn't been making noises and utterances for awhile now. Probably for a few months (maybe since 12 months) he's had definite conversations about life in his own sounds and tones. But they rarely made their way to "words". So, he didn't start making sounds all of the sudden, he was a general "jabber-whocky". Instead, now, he's making sounds that actually sound like words. Which is all sorts of fun. Approximations of words. We're sucking it up and reinforcing it like crazy. We have a little party, dancing around, clapping hands, saying "yahoo!" We're not to many clear words yet, but is starting and everyday he's trying to say new things. I can't get enough of it.


Number 3. Daredevil Antics. I remember when Collin was little and I thought he was so adventurous.It seemed like every new task he tried was a bit beyond his capabilities just enough to get my heart racing. But in retrospect, Collin was sheepish compared to Owen. Owen is willing to take on the world without a second thought. Today I caught him trying to scale his bookshelf. He can't even walk, but he's was desperately trying to get his knees on the second shelf to stand up on it and climb. The other day he climbed onto his little car (that he rides around flinstone style) and was pushing it around the living room, when he decided to stop the little car, stand on the seat and try to rock it forward. I nearly had a heart attack. He'll try anything once. I'm pretty sure I'll have a heart attack before he turns two at this rate. Owen has no fear of anything tall, precarious, or relatively dangerous and I have absolute fear in watching him on or attempting to scale anything tall, precarious or relatively dangerous. This makes for a trepidous combination, but he always wins and surprises me with his many (and ever expanding talents).

Number 4. Groovin' Its no secret that no one in our family has a particular knack for dancing. We all do it. I'm probably the most adventurous, mostly because I don't care how I look. Collin's the same way, but I imagine that has something to do with being 2. So, its was a surprise to me to see how much rhythm Owen has. He loves music and anytime its on or one of us is singing, he's groovin' to the beat. Its adorable seeing his little chair-dancing moves. He appreciates music and I love seeing his musical talent and rhythm blossom. I'm already a little jealous and he's only 15 months.

Number 5. Eclectic Eater. Parents often worry about their toddler's eating habits. We hear about other parents who's children will only eat fruits, cheeses, fill in your unique food of choice here ____________. And while Collin wasn't picky, I do remember the dog and pony show we had to put on to keep him engaged in eating-- he would get so distracted and simply lose interest, leaving a whole plate of food to take notice of his boredom of eating and simultaneous excitement for everything else going on around him. So we'd pull out every trick we could think of- singing songs, playing with nesting cups, high-chair toys, etc. You name it, we tried it. But Owen doesn't seem to understand that he's supposed to be part of this world of picky eaters. He's unaware of the trouble with toddler eating and really focuses in on his favorite things: food. Its sort of amazing. At 15 months there isn't much of anything he doesn't like. Sweet, sour, spicy, savory- he likes it all and eats it quickly. Owen is the best eater and will try anything we give him which makes me a happy and grateful momma.
Now if we could just get him to quit with his "baby bulimia" (i.e. gagging himself with his fingers frequently)- but that's another story entirely.


Number 6. Movin' and Shakin' Most days I could spend the whole day squeezing Owen and cuddling with his cute little chubby face. He's so stinkin' adorable. One of my favorite things about him is how he gets so overtly excited when he sees me when I come home from work or running an errand. His little body can't contain his excitement and his limbs go rigid with happiness. Just as soon as he hears my voice a huge smile comes across his little face and he starts kicking and punching the air then going stiff, as though an imaginary punching bag arrives in front of him that he has to fight through to get to me. Its absolutely adorable to see his happiness and I have such a hard time realizing its limited- that he won't do this forever and one day his boisterous little body will turn to calm and he'll just smile and I'll shed a little tear because I won't be able to see his excitement to see me anymore. But right now, its fantastic and everyday I look forward to saying "Hi Owen!" as his little body goes berserk over momma.

Number 7. Cuddling.  Speaking of cuteness, Owen is maybe his most cute when he's cuddling with me. Right before nap he'll nestle his head onto my chest, cuddle into the crook of my arm, and let out this little sigh (I like to think of happiness) and contentedly close his sweet little eyes. I know that he can't actually sleep like this- given I'm standing with him, but he so happy and content and it makes me feel so happy and content that I often just dance around his room for a few minutes before putting him down absorbing his cuddles. Its better than Prozac, folks. No joke.

Number 8. Super Sleeper. Owen's also an amazing sleeper. It took us a long time to get here though. I remember at 12 months being so happy that he had FINALLY settled into a nap schedule. I could barely believe that we didn't have a schedule at 5 or 6 months and getting increasingly frustrated at 7 month, and then feeling exasperated and full of panic because of all the sleep issues we were having. But, there was a greater plan in store for us, because as Owen finally found his sleep stride and made our lives so easy when it came to bedtime and naptime. Bedtime came first- Owen quickly would go to sleep as a baby and we could fairly easily transition him to the crib when he was asleep, but as he got bigger we decided to sleep train him so he could fall asleep on his own at night. Although, there was no training to be had, as the first time I put him in the crib awake he rolled over and went to sleep. It was so easy. Nap time was next in line, and this time training took a week or so, there were a few tears, but soon after he got the idea and he was sleeping soundly all the time. Now we have the easiest and most lovely evenings and naps. Owen goes to sleep easily- we just place him in the crib, he lays down and puts himself to sleep. At bedtime he heads to bed at 6:30, is out by 6:45 usually and we don't hear a peep from him until 6:45 the next morning. 12 hours of fantastic uninterrupted sleep. Such an amazing blessing we have in our little guy.

Number 9. Terrifically Tearless. At 15 months Owen continues to be a content baby. He rarely cries and since his birth I've always been alarmed when he does cry because it happens so rarely that I always think it most be something horrible. His cry when he is hurt breaks my heart and I always come running in a panic. But usually, days, weeks even go by without a tear from Owen. He's happy to be in our little family and rarely sad. Sad isn't the same as stubborn though, and lately Owen has taken to yelling at us in a very frustrated voice when things don't go his way, but moments later he's back to is happy self.

Number 10. Adventures at the Playground.  Remember how I said Owen is a daredevil. Its no joke. At the local park there's a preschool sized playground with preschool sized slides, climbers, etc. Owen seems to think he's a preschooler because he's decided there isn't anything at the playground he shouldn't try. Twisty slide tunnels? No problem, he just goes down on his belly. Climbing on the steel bars- No problem as a series of toddler pull-ups. Crossing bouncy bridges, crawling comes in very handy. He's really all about exploring every level of the jungle gym. At home its the same way in our our backyard. Owen climbs the ladder to the playhouse independently, puts his feet in the footholds of the climbing wall (with a spotter since I'm so nervous) and taking on the slide fearlessly. One day I'm going to look out the kitchen window and see Owen climbing trees. I'm holding out a few more years for that one and in the meantime I'm ignoring the kitchen window.
Number 11. Patience is a Virtue. Owen's a good teacher. Really. He's made me take a step back and be patient. WAIT for it. WAIT for it. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. Whether or not I freak out, panic, become alarmed or worried doesn't matter because Owen still goes his own pace. If I could read his little mind I bet he's saying, "whatever mom, I'll do it when I want to, when I get to it.". Owen's a one man show. Its his way or the highway when it comes to expectations. He'll roll with whatever we throw at him when it comes to environments or peers, but when it comes to milestones or individual expectations we lay out for him he yields, halts, won't budge.  He's taught me to let go a little and recognize that he's in a loving, caring, responsible home where all day long he's showered with words and engaging activities, opportunities to learn and new places to explore. All concerns put aside, Owen is going to do well, if only because he's a master at owning his own destiny. So keep on little man, by the time you are two I'll know how to take a breath and watch you arrive.

Number 12. Stubborn = Perseverance. Its no surprise that I gave birth to a miniature version of myself. It's true that I'm stubborn. Maybe even like a mule. So, here I am again, in the shape and size of a budding toddler. Owen is very passionate and even though he doesn't have many words can clearly let us know when he doesn't like something or when we take something away by yelling, grunting, shaking his head "no no no no" or throwing himself into a baby tantrum. Its fierce when he's mad. But its not all so intense. I like to think that I have a bit of perseverance built into my personality and I think, maybe, that was in some way supported by my stubbornness. This makes me smile a little bit. The glass is half full over here and even if it means encouraging things that frustrate me, I'll encourage Owen to stick to it, to keep on trying, to keep working toward it, to persevere for good or bad. I can't wait to see how all of this stubborn mule-like resistance to the norm unfolds and I look forward to the little moments of pride when Owen's stubbornness serves him well and he perseveres to success.

Number 13. Feisty = Passionate. In the same way, Owen's stubborness is complemented by being feisty. He lets us know how he's feeling, what he wants, and how fearless he is with such passion and fire. He's so emotionally charged all the time it looks exhausting. I just couldn't possibly keep up with the swings from happy content, to mad yelling, to laughing hysterically to sleepy exhaustion. Its sort of hillarious to watch the transitions. We love to see how much his spirited little temperament guides him. I love his passion. I love how he throws all of himself into everything he does or wants to do. I wish I had more of it and wasn't so jaded as an adult. I wish I could bottle it up. He's fearless and ambitious without ever thinking once about how anyone else in his life will react or percieve his reactions. I could stand to think less about what others think and more about what makes me happy. Learning from toddlers. Life is full of lots of surprises.
Number 14. New Words! So, it turns out Owen can speak. He just won't. Finally at 15 months he's starting to get a vocabulary. Some words he uses often like: Hi, Shoe, Up, Bye, moo, baa, roar, choo choo, beep, and grrr . Then there are words he seems to know, but is only willing to use them occasionally: Mommy, Dada, Cow, more, the sign for milk, thank you, more, out, and meow. Everytime I see his expressive vocabulary grow I smile. We're doing our job. He's learning new words and his expressive (and receptive) vocabulary are expanding. But, because he's so stingy every new word is so powerful to me. Its one of the best things about him, its like he presents each new word as a gift to me. -- Look Momma, here's another taste of what I can do!

Number 15. Love. Of the 15 most amazing things about Owen I've saved the best for last. Its just love. Simple, pure love. How he fills my heart with so much pride and happiness. How being in our life makes our family so much more wonderful.How for the past 15 months we've been through a lot, but I wouldn't trade a moment of every up and down because it let us arrive here in this place where we are incredibly happy. There are times each day when I stop and revel in being a momma. I notice that this is right where I belong and I'd never be able to do that without Owen. So, while you probably her more about our challenges than strengths if you read our blog, know that for every challenge there are at least four strengths we achieve or take in or experience. Its rather amazing really.
So, to thousands of more months in your special life little Owen- we can't wait to see the little boy you turn into and how it sets the stage for the man you'll become.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Quilting for newbies (Part 1)

When I say "newbies" I mean totally virgin to the idea of actually making a quilt, let alone going ahead and doing it. So, what on earth was I thinking?

Well, I saw these:

From the a Stitch in Dye Blog (oh the amazing and beautiful quilts she makes). I love how they are scattered across the farm when she photographs them. I also love how the binding of this quilt conforms to the design.

And this one! Adorable! From Whipup.net. She also makes amazing and crafty quilts. I could spend all day drooling.
And this little pretty from http://www.dreamalittledreamalot.wordpress.com/. I particularly love the quliting design overlaping the piecing.

Then I thought: if they can do it so can I! (stupidly overambitious, I know.) I was off to the races. Or sewing machine. So, I bought into the idea of a hexagon quilt (a hexie for short) and began my blind, winding, ridiculous journey.

First up was figuring out how ambitious I was really going to be by defining the size of the quilt. You can find out how to size a quilt and figure out how many hexagons you need here. I chose to use 2 inch hexagons (which in hind sight was one more too big bite of quilting, but now we are in it 2 feet deep, so whatever, I just keep on).

Then was maybe the most fun and exciting part- shopping for the fabrics. It turns out I love fabric. A lot. I saw so many fabrics that I wanted to buy just because they were beautiful. I had no earthly idea how I was actually going to use them, but they seemed to be calling my name is sweet whispers "I was made for you...., buy me....etc.". I settled on fabrics that brought out the theme of Owen's room that had browns, oranges, turquoises, aquas, greens and ivories. I placed those little pretties in my cart and took them home craddled like babies. Welcome to our home my pretties.....

Once I had loads of fabric I had to figure out if I was going to go the traditional route and baste these little hellish hexies. Hexagon quilts are hard, so hard that people think its EASIER to just hand sew them. Bwah.
I was so dead in the water.

But I was in the middle now, so I might as well swim to the other side rather than go back.

As it turns out, there aren't a ton of tutorials on how to machine sew hexagon quilts, but I was pretty desperate to do so. I couldn't imagine hand sewing the whole thing. So I search and search until I came across this lovely guide on the worlds best how-to resource: You Tube.

Basically, here's where I am headed.

So, thats a bit of where I hope to end up.

But, I'm still way back at the beginning.
Once I figured out how to get the fabrics together, I had to come up with a design. This took awhile because I had to figure out how to make a template. I ended up printing about a million tiny hexies on paper and then coding my fabrics 1-20 or so.


You can see that I put in a design in the middle with "hexie flowers" as they are called in the world of quilting. After settling on a design with my colors it was time to start cutting and basting hexagons.  To cut the hellish hexies I had Drew print me some 2 inch templates and cut them out of card stock. Hexagons are tricky because they can't be off at all if they are going to fit together perfectly. So when I cut them out, I had to be very very careful to make sure that they assembled with perfect seams.

It was later that I learned that this was all for naught.
But Anyway....

I cut out my PERFECT templates and then read that each hexagon needs to have a quarter inch of extra fabric on each side that is ironed down to make a perfect hexie with PERFECT seams. So, its actually the SEAMS that have to be perfect. Live and learn I guess.

Before I went on a crazy endeavor to cut out 400 or something individual hexagons, I had Drew cut out a template out of plexiglass. Then with the magic of the Olfa cutter, I cut cut cut cut cut until my knuckles bled. Okay, so they didn't really bleed, but I did end up doing most of it in the two weeks after Owen was born because I didn't get to it before I went into labor, and at that point I was delusional and thought I'd actually finish this quilt in Owen's first few months. He's 15 months now, and I'm still not done.

Here is the plexiglass template and the little hexies. You'll notice that they aren't fabric. Thats because to get the even seam around hexagons for later sewing you have to baste them. Some people use basting paper, and hand stick the fabric to the paper for each individual hexie, but I chose the cheater's version of using freezer paper. So, these templates were cut from my PERFECT smaller hexagons out of freezer paper. They'll go on the inside of the hexagons and hold the edges down. You can see below the full size fabric hexagon cut out, and the freezer paper on the inside. I ironed each hexie so that the waxy freezer paper adhered to the edges of the fabric to hold down the perfect corners. Then, voila! Flip it over and there is the perfect little hexagon.


400 or some hexies later here they are, ready for assembly. Its been a long grueling road on learning how to get them together, but they are so beautiful to me that its all seems worth the trouble now. I like to just look at them like they are my pet pretties.

 All of this work cumulates in the final top quilt. I can't wait to get that part done, but I haven't started sewing yet. Its on my list. I'll update the second part once I actually get the top quilt done. Once its completed I'll farm it out for binding and sewing in the quilt layers to the professionals and then finally, I'll have my first quilt.

What was I thinking?
But now that I'm here, I can't wait to see how it turns out once I start sewing.












Adventures in Parenting

Here's a fun little story that I'm sure so many mom's out there will appreciate:

Lately, Collin's been getting up really early. I'm not sure what this is all about. I sort of wonder if he's out growing his nap and as a result, since he's still taking one he's getting up earlier to compensate.  But I could be wrong. Who knows.
Anyway, since he's getting up all kinds of early (like 5:50 am) I've been wrangling him into our bed and trying to sleep a bit longer while he sits three inches from my face asking me questions. Momma, can I have water? Momma, I need breakfast. Momma, where are the squirrels? Momma, why is it dark outside? Meanwhile the only words I'm listening for are "Momma, I have to go potty"- because that really is the ONLY thing that will get me out of bed before 6:30. This morning tussle ends up with me really sleeping something like 10 more minutes, and putting 40 minutes into negotiating how long Collin will sit in bed next to me and try to be quiet so that (a) he doesn't wake up Owen, (b) he doesn't head downstairs and get into all kinds of mischief and (c) I can pretend that my day doesn't start at 5:50 am.
Ish.

But, on one frightful Wednesday morning, I popped up in my bed at 6:30 am. No Collin. I immediately looked at the monitor hoping to see Collin still (somehow miraculously) asleep in his bed. But he's not there. The bed is empty and its very quiet.

Oh God.
What am I going to find?

So, I bolted down the stairs. No Collin on the main floor. And then I hear him coming up the stairs from the basement. As I turn around a tiny little body goes streaking by me into his room.

What was that, exactly?

"Collin, what are you doing?"
"Looking at books, Momma."
"Collin, where are your pajamas?"
"Downstairs by the poop, momma"

Oh, my, freaking sweet mother of Mary and St Francis. What on earth has happened. Oh PLEASE PLEASE don't be the nightmare I'm fairly certain I just walked into. Did he just say POOP. Maybe he meant "Pooh" or "Pooch". Or maybe I'm just ridiculously crazy and he didn't say anything like that at all. Maybe he's just streaking because he thinks its a fun time. Reading in the buff is loads of fun, right?

But then, I find my way back to reality and I ask the awful question that was brooding in my brain.

"Collin, did you have an accident?"

"I just got the pee on the hard floor in the bathroom momma. A a little bit of poop on the carpet, but all the rest is in the bathroom."

UGH. Did my kid just say this out loud? Seriously? I don't know if I should cry or laugh. FOR REAL? Poop on the carpet? We do not have a puppy and thats the only time I can even think of a reasonable approach to the words "Poop on the carpet."

And so, I wander downstairs and there, staring me in the face is a secluded chunk of toddler poop in the middle of my off-white carpet. Yep. Its true. I woke up to SHIT on my carpet.

Still in disbelief and adjusting to the idea that I have to CLEAN UP toddler POOP, I head to the bathroom to see what kind of catastrophe is waiting for me. There on the floor are the zipper pajamas, our white bathroom rug and a purple shower mat spattered with a poop trail from underwear, to pajamas, to rug and towel, to the tile floor. Smushed and spread around as if to document the struggle Collin had as he determined he had to go and couldn't get the zipper pajamas off, because you know, as a toddler zipper pajamas are hard. Its not the zipper part- thats easy, its the getting your arms and legs out, stripping off the pajamas without getting tangled up and falling down, pretty much an all out war against the pajamas. I can just see him now running to the bathroom saying "I have to go POOP! I have to GOOO!, I have to go POOP! POOP! POOP!" and then, at the point of no return, struggling in the pajamas, but realizing that they were not going to come off before arrival of said POOP, and finally, committing to just going ahead and pooping in the half on half off pajamas, dropping it to the floor, struggling out of the rest of the pajamas and then the progressive smearing as he continued to remove his clothes and find his way out of the bathroom. Of course though, not before realizing somewhere along the way that he had to pee too, and so just for additional fun, he let it all go onto the floor since he had already committed to the literal shit storm that surrounded him.

So, then I find myself knee deep and up to my elbows in bleach water and disinfectant to rid my house of POOP at 6:45 a.m.  As I'm scrubbing and cursing under my breath Collin comes in to share a full commentary.

"Momma, I didn't pee on the carpet. I peed in the bathroom by the potty."
"Thanks Collin"
"Just a little bit of poop was on the carpet. Just a little bit."
"Yes Collin" (Dear Collin: NO POOP would have been a whole lot better).
"I wiped by myself momma" (I can only imagine the success of this effort since he can barely even reach behind himself let alone wipe anything with any sense of coordination).
"Congratulations Collin. Are you sure there isn't any poop still stuck to you?"
"No momma, there is just pee on my legs" (OH FANTASTIC!)
"Oh, Collin. Can you just sit on toilet and wait for momma."
"I don't need to sit on the potty momma. I don't have to go anymore." (of course you don't. What was I thinking!)
"Collin are you sure you just peed in the bathroom?"
"And on the purple story bin in the living room" (oh Jesus. More?!?)
"The one from the library, Collin!?!" (please please please don't have peed on the loads of library books in the purple tub. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE).
"And by the chair a little bit. And just on the hippo's foot." (Do I have enough bleach in the whole house?!?, Really can it get any worse?!?)
"What? Get the hippo and show me."- this would be the hippo puppet that the library puts in the zoo story tub Collin currently has. GREAT. I have to somehow explain to the library that our son ruined the whole box of stuff including the puppet because I didn't get out of bed when he woke up to help him go potty.
Yes, folks, line up HERE for the mother of year award, I'm the current keeper.

So, now that the bathroom is clean, I head to the living room with tremendous trepidation. By some grace of God the books are fine. There is no pee actually in the tub, its just next to the tub lid and indeed, is on the hippo's foot. How on earth am I going to wash an ultra delicate bean-bag type puppet with piss on his foot?!? Maybe if I just douse it with FeBreeze we'll get away with it....
Then again, probably not.

As you can probably guess, in my moments of utter disbelief and insurmountable hilarity I didn't actually take any photos. Thank your lucky stars I didn't. But it did cross my mind.
Lucky for you I spared your virgin eyes.

So we cleaned, and cleaned, scrubbed the hippo foot, washed a load of poopy garments. It was super duper fun. I laughed at the end, got Collin dressed, picked up Owen out of bed and as we were heading to the breakfast table I said to Collin, "Guess what Collin"- intending to say we have a new kind of cereal to try if you want, he said before I could respond "I love you momma".
It was a sweet and endearing little bit of happiness and for a moment made me forget about the poop.
Just for a moment.
All before 7 am.



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