For father's day Collin & Owen broke out their piggy banks and bought daddy a new grill. Photos to come once its assembled.
Because I couldn't be there I thought it would be best to share with Drew my thoughts about his being an amazing father from afar. As a result, I sent him this letter, I hope he doesn't mind my sharing it, but I think it captures him so very well and shares how grateful we are to have him in our lives.
A love letter, on Fathers Day
If I were to marry you all over again, I would change my vows. I would add to the outlook for our future with new promises and hopes.
I would think about the journey we've been on for the last 4 years, the accomplishments we've made, the challenges we've faced, and the person you've (or maybe the people we've become) become along the way.
I'd tell you that I promise to support you in being an amazing father, because in bringing these two boys into this world you've taught me so much about what it is to be a good dad. Your way with Collin, and more and more so with Owen, illustrates such compassion and love. I adore watching you interact, watching how you teach him, and how he absorbs your thoughts, your love, and most of all the skills you offer him. There are days when I try to just observe, to watch you tumble through an afternoon, head to foot, smattered with giggles smiles, and brief moments of "I wuv daddy!", "Pick me up, daddy!" "I need more flips", "I need upside-down." and breathe in the happiness that emanates from the whirling dervish that ties you together. I relish in the pride that glows on your face when you hold and talk about your little boys. I bury my thoughts in your smile, as it lights up the room when you are making Collin and Owen giggle and laugh.
I'd tell you that no matter how angry we get with each other, no matter how few moments we get to share together on our own, you're always on my mind. I promise that you're never very far from my thoughts, and always at the heart of the decisions I make. That I don't really ever stop thinking about you. I think about how you shine as an example of an amazing dad, and how lucky I am to have you as a supportive partner. I treasure that you revel in your role in our boy's lives and take it seriously. I'm incredibly thankful that you don't take for granted that every moment of their lives are important to impact, and we're so lucky that you contribute to their learning and life skills. You read to them, you talk to them, you make sure they get to sleep, you recognize the importance in keeping them away from TV, and sugar, the sun and negative influences. I don't know a lot of dads who readily put their children's needs first. Not because they don't want to, but because its not easy or convenient for their lives.We realize its not easy or convenient for you life. We see that you give up many things to make sure they are healthy and happy and we're all forever grateful.
When I look back on the past 4.5 years and recount all that we have done, blessings we have received, crisis' we have been through, all we have built and torn down again, there is no wonder why we both feel like we have been hit by a truck at the end of every day. At night when the boys are finally asleep and we look at each other wearily absorbing the first quiet lull together of the day, landing in a moment balanced between exhaustion and content, I sigh a happy sigh. I anticipate that moment, but also wish it was filled with more opportunity. We're tired, and busy, and stressed with both the big and little commitments in our life, but always, there is something that makes me want to put in the effort. Just the tiniest of connections adds to my happiness, I hope our happiness: to sit close to you, to touch the small of your back, to tease you or coddle you, to let you know that feeling is still there. I still lean in to your shoulder. I still try to hold your hand. I still intentionally move furniture so that we both have sit on the couch together. I'd tell you that I promise to show you that beyond the duties of our lives, you still, and always will mean the world to me, everyday.
Today, our daily lives are a conundrum of complex and simple, mingled, dancing around our existence, and somehow we often compromise without realizing we are doing so. Its true that we have a nice life, a happy life. Yet, we're never far from some minor disaster, dragging us back to reality, a stubbed toe, a car that needs repair, a new door, and our lists go on. Its that balance, though, I think, that makes our life satisfying. There is no surprise in the notion that we face struggles, but instead I continue to marvel at the miracle I live every day to have found you to struggle alongside me. My perfect match. Your willingness to let me be who I am and do what I must without questioning my purpose, continues to amaze me. Home is a safe place. Home is where you are. So, I'd tell you that I promise for every injury, there will be help, for every frown, a smile, for every tear, a giggle, for every sorrow, a glimmer of hope, for every rainstorm, a rainbow, for every argument a resolve, for every hurt, love.
Four years into this story, married life has settled into the daily routine of work and play. But I want you to know, my love, that I don't take it for granted. Every now and then, in a moment of reflection, I'll smile as I remind myself that this person who I first met, who is so clever, generous, handsome and warm, is now my husband. Sometimes I still can't believe it's all worked out and that I am actually your wife. I love you so much. And when I search out those qualities, I too, can see them in our boys. Tiny manifestations of all that is good in us. The miracle of their existence still amazes me, and there are days when I spend time wondering how simply awe-inspiring it is that these boys are parts of both of us; small pieces of who we are reside in their small bodies, reflecting us, but also creating something uniquely new, uniquely Collin and Owen. Seeing you in them only makes fall in love with you more, as I watch them grow into tendencies and mannerisms that can only travel from father to son. I see the gardener and lawn manicurist in Collin blossoming, the persistence and diligence surfacing in Owen and I think of you. They are a constant reminder how lucky I am to have you all in my life. And so, if I were to marry you again I'd tell you that I promise to notice and savor the moments when you appear in my life, and never take for granted the role you play in making all of our lives complete.
I'd tell you that I promise to cherish the things you do for our family. From getting up with the boys as babies to bring them to me in the wee hours, to taking on diaper changes with feverish abandon, to remembering that putting the laundry away helps me keep my sanity, to playing and playing and playing with our sons. For tossing Collin in the air and always catching him, for rocking and signing to Owen to soothe him as he teethes, for giving them baths, and knowing their personal quirks and qualms. For always remembering sunscreen and hats, for kissing them often. For being proud of them, sharing their accomplishments and wearing your love for them on your sleeve. For holding them close and sharing with them your energy and time. For helping me get through the first three months. For reminding me that our lives together as one is a blessing. For taking out the garbage, for changing the oil, for mowing the grass and planting the garden, for unloading the dishwasher, for changing sheets and vacuuming stairs. For all of it. Its noticed, loved, and admired in the most sincere sense. I couldn't do this without you.
On Father's day, our boys should tell you that they love you, that they appreciate you and that you are molding them into amazing people. They should wake you up with kisses, bring you a fresh batch of cinnamon rolls, a huge mug of delicious coffee and carry you outside to suck up the sunshine. They should bring you a good book, followed by your bicycle, and let you ride away the afternoon fueled by the energy of their love. They should paint you bright pictures to hang in your office with ode's to your steadfast commitment to their life. And, someday they will. Please know though, that they adore you. Their faces light up when they see you, their eyes smile and hearts leap from their chest with excitement. "Daddy's home!", melts my heart whenever I hear it.
But, they aren't alone. I too am lucky. I’m so incredibly lucky to have you as my husband.
So, thank you. Thank you for loving me and the boys unconditionally when I am decidedly unlovable and selfish and have left you to contend with the chaos I inevitably leave in my wake. When they are hard to handle, challenging, or inconsolable, thank you for remaining true to your compassion for their needs. Thank you for your steadfast belief that our family will endure in both love and action, without exception.
Maybe I've traveled down the road of making this more than a letter on father's day. But their thoughts I should share more often, and Father's day sets the stage.
You matter. You matter to me even when I am inconsiderate. I am desperate for you even when I am being distant. You are the reason for everything.
I adore you.
I love you.
We love you.
Incredible father. loyal parent. dedicated dad. enthusiastic partner. my one and only.
Happy Father's Day.
-A, C & O
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